Otgonchimeg

Basic information
Interviewee ID: 990909
Name: Otgonchimeg
Parent's name: Tsendjav
Ovog: [blank]
Sex: f
Year of Birth: 1963
Ethnicity: [unknown]

Additional Information
Education: [unknown]
Notes on education:
Work:
Belief:
Born in: Delgerhaan sum, Töv aimag
Lives in: sum (or part of UB), Ulaanbaatar aimag
Mother's profession:
Father's profession:


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Translation:

Byambajav -

Well, thank you very much for accepting my invitation and giving me an interview. There are two things on which I would like to receive your permission. This interview will be used in future by scholars, by newspapers and press, TV and radio and various public media. So can the contents of your interview be used by us for this purposes? Will you give this permission to us?

Otgoo -

I agree, and give the permission.

Byambajav -

Aa, The other thing to ask is you can either conceal your name or you leave it open without hiding it.

Otgoo -

Hn, isn’t it better to use the name from the very beginning.

Byambajav -

Well, well thank you very much. Let’s now begin the interview. So will you introduce yourself and tell me about your childhood until the present which school did you attend?

Otgoo -

За. би 1963 оны 5-р сарын 15-нд төрсөн, юу Цэнджав гэж хүний хүүхэд болж төрсөн. Манайх бол Төв аймгийн Дэлгэрхаан сумын айл л даа, Ээж Аав 2, хоёулаа тэр нутгийн хүмүүс. Тэгээд манайх чинь их олуулаа, 8 уулаа, амьдардаг. Тэгээд тэд нар би чинь, манайх чинь, 6 эмэгтэй, биш 7, 6 эмэгтэй 2 эрэгтэй байдаг байхгүй юу тэгээд 1 ахтай, аа 5 эгчтэй 2 дүүтэй, эрэгтэй эмэгтэй 2 дүүтэй. Тэгээд л яахав бага наснаасаа эхлээд эгэл жирийн ажилчин хүмүүсийн гэр бүлд төрөөд тэгээд тэр ажилсаг хүмүүсийн гэр бүлд амьдараад л ингээд л тэр чинь манайх чинь юунд амьдардаг байхгүй юу, нөгөө Яармагт байдаг. Яармаг гэдэг чинь нөгөө манай энэ Улаанбаатар хотоос зайдуухан захдуу газар байхгүй юу. Тэнд чинь их гоё ш дээ хүүхэд байхад чинь нөгөө усанд их сэлнэ. Гол дээр очоод л өдөржингөө усанд сэлээд, усанд сэлээд л, манайх чинь үнээтэй байсан, тэгээд тэр үнээ рүүгээ бас гүйнэ ээ. Бас үхэр тугал гэж эргүүлээд л бас, тэгээд л гүйгээд л тэгсээр байтал л энэ бага нас маань жоохон бүүр жижигхэн хүүхэд байхаа өнгөрөөд л тэгээд тэр надаа их гоё санагддаг юм, яагаад гэхээр зэрэг ингээд усанд ороод л наранд биеэ шараад байхаар их гоё чийрэгжээд л их гоё, амьдрал их гоё юм шиг одоо бодоход, тэгээд тэр үедээ ямар хүүхэд байхдаа мэдэж байсан биш. Тэгээд л их гоё санагдаад л үхэр тэгээд л үхэр тугал руу гүйгээд л ингээд л байхад их бие чийрэгжээж их гоё юм шиг ерөөсөө хэрэгтэй байсан байна гээд, одоо бодоход тэгээд бодоод байгаа юм. Аа тэгээд (0-02-50) 1973 онд тэр Яармагын тэр сургуульд орсон. Нэгдүгээр ангид. Тэгээд 1-р ангиасаа эхлээд л зүгээр л эгэл жирийн, би тийм их сайн сурлагатай хүүхэд байгаагүй. Аа зүгээр ерөнхийдөө болбол яахав сураад л явж байсан, их нэрэлхүү байсан байхгүй юу, тэгээд хүний нэрэлхүү зан чинь амьдралд их хортой юм гэж бодоод байгаа юм л даа, нэрэлхүү байх чинь өөрийнхөө бүх юмыг хаагаад байдаг юм байна. Сүүлд ингээд ухаан суусан хойноо бодоод байхад. Тэгээд тэр үедээ бол тэр их нэрэлхүү өөрийгөө жоохон ингээд л хаагаад л, ингээд яваад байдаг тэгээд л зүгээр эгэл жирийн амьдралаар ингээд л эцэг эхдээ жаах, жоохон туслаад л тэгээд өөрөө жаахан хичээлээ хийгээд, манай эгч ах нар их сайн сурлагатай хүүхдүүд байсан. Аягүй мундаг. Дандаа онц сурна. Би болохоор дунд сурдаг байсан юм. Тийм сайн сурлагатай байгаагүй. Гэхдээ л жаахан мэриймтгий тэгээд л ерөөсөө багаасаа хүнийг жоохон уучламтгай, бас нэг хүнд туслачихдаг юм уу гээд, нэг тиймэрхүү бодолтой тэгээд л явдаг байсан. Тэгээд л явдаг байж байгаад тэгээд л 1971 оноос эхлээд л (дуугаа өндөрсгөв) сургуульдаа сурж явж байгаад л 5, 6-р ангид ороод ирсэн чинь ингээд л аа спортоор ингээд л хүүхдүүд хичээллэж байхгүй юу. Тэгсэн би хөнгөн атлейткаар хичээллээ. Тэгсэн чинь нөгөө тугал мугалны араас гүйдэг чинь хэрэг болчихож байгаа юм чинь. өө тэр чинь ерөөсөө их ашигтай байсан байгаа юм чинь. (инээнгээ ярина) Нөгөө үхэр тугал хоёр нийлэх гэхээр аягүй хурдан гүйдэг байхгүй юу, тэгээд тэр чинь их ач холбогдол өгсөн юм байна да гэж аягүй хурдан гүйгээд байгаа юм. Тэгээд тэрний чинь юугаар тэгээд нилээд хэдэн медаль энэ тэртэй болчихсон. Тэр үедээ аягүй сайхан ч юм шиг санагдаад л, ер нь сэтгэлийн хөөрөл нэг их багатай байсан байх аа, ер нь л дуугайдуу хүүхэд байсан л даа. Тэгээд дуугай, их дуугай, өөрийгөө жоохон, баримтгай жоохон, хаалттай тийм хүүхэд байсийм. Тэгээд сүүлдээ, тэгээд спортоор хичээллэж байгаад 10-р ангиа төгсөөд, 10-р ангидаа бас нэг их юу яагаагүй юм аа. Бас яахав зүгээр л жирийн сурлагатай байсан болохоор нөгөө спортоор хичээллээд ирэхлээр юу хүмүүс чинь ингээд нөгөө хичээлээ жоохон орхидог байхгүй юу, тэгээл тэр үедээ хичээлээ хамт хийх байсан байна даа гээд тэр үеийн багш нар аягүй “хичээлээ хий гээд” нэг математикийн багш тэгдэг байсиймаа. Тэгсэн чинь би нөгөө багшийг чинь ингэсийм. Энэ ядаргайтай юм гэж үздэг байсан. Одоо тэгэхэд тэр багш аягүй хэрэг болсон байна шүү, одоо бодоод байхад. Тэгээд л тиймэрхүү, тиймэрхүү, амьдралын юмнууд хүнд их хэрэг болдог юм байна гээд сүүлдээ бодож байгаа юм. Тэгээд сүүлд нь 10-р ангиа төгсөөд тэгээд дээд сургуульд ороогүй, ороогүй юм. Тэр үедээ биеийн тамирын ангид ордог юм уу гэж байсан, нэг эмнэлэгт хэвтээд шарлаж хэвтээд тэгээд ерөөсөө орж чадаагүй зүгээр ажил хийсэн л дээ. Тэгээд ажил хийгээд л төмөр замын байгууллагад ажил хийдэг байсан. Тэгээд тэр төмөр замын тэр байгууллага болохоор өөрөө юу яасий, их олон залуучууд байсан дандаа цэргээс халагдсан залуучууд, жоохон жижигхэн жижигхэн залуучууд тэгээд нүүдлээр, юу, ингэж урд замаас хойд зам хүртэл явдаг байхгүй юу, Сэлэнгээс урд талын тэр Улан-үд хүртэл, Улаан үд биш ээ, Замын- үүд хүртэл явдаг юм. (0-5-14) Тэгээд тэр хооронд чинь тэр олон залуучуудтай ажиллаад л ингээд яваад байхаар чинь би чинь одоо өнгөө хүн амьтан нэг их, бас эрэгтэй хүмүүстэй нэг их нээх харьцахгүй, тэгээд чив чимээгүй, тэр яагаад тийм байсан гэхээр ээж дандаа тэгдэг байхгүй юу, за эрэгтэй хүмүүстэй харьцвал тэгээд л өнгөрөө, ёстой аймаар өвчин тусаад өнгөрдөг юм гэхээр тийм л юм байх даа гээд л аягүй хүүхдээс цэрвэдэг, тэгээд тэрэндээ итгэчихсэн. Ерөөсөө эрэгтэй хүмүүстэй харьцахгүй аягүй дуугай байна оо. Тэгээд тэр ажлаа ингээд л 4 жил шахуу хийж байгаад сүүлд нь нэг эвлэлийн илгээлтээр нөгөө сургуульд орлоо л доо. Тэгээд Техникийн их сургуульд орж байгаа юм. Тэгэхэд чинь би 10 жилдээ бас нээх сайн сураагүй боловчиг, би аягүй их мэриймтгий хүүхэд байсан байхгүй юу. Бас юманд чадахгшүй ч гэсэн аягүй их мэрийдэг. Тэгээд тэр 10 жилийн сур, сургуульдаа нэг их сүүлдээ их мэдлэг олж чадахгүй нөгөө их спорт гэж явж байсан боловчиг дээд сургуульд орсон чинь юу яаж байгаа юм л даа, дээд сургуульд ороод нөгөө мэриймтгий байсан хүн чинь, тэгээд тэр үедээ би тэгээд дээд сургуульд надад их гоё юм өгсийм аа. Яагаад гэвэл хүнтэй харьцаж сурсан, би ч их баригдмал хүүхэд байсан байхгүй юу, тэгээд хүмүүстэй сайхан харьцаж сурлаа, тэгээд сүүлд нь нөгөө багш нартай бас сайхан чөлөөтэй харьцаж сурлаа. Хүн болдог юм байна гээд өөртөө жаахан итгэл олж аваад. Тэгээд, юу техникийн их сургуулийн, тэр үед чинь тэрийг чинь техникийн их сургууль гэж нэрлэдэггүй байсан юм аа би одоогийнх нь нэрээр хэлж байна шүү. Тэгээд, юу Барилгын сан техникийн анги төгсөж байгаа юм. Тэгээд барилгийн сантехникийн анги төгсчихөөд за даа энэ мэргэжил ч дээ надад ч дээ яршиг хэзээ юм өгөхгүй байх аа гээд л боддог байхгүй юу, тэгээд боддог байж байгаад яахав нэг ажил хийгээд л явлаа. Тэр үед чинь нөгөө социолизмын яг нөгөө социолизмийн үеийн төгсгөл, ардчиллын үеийн эхлэл байсан байхгүй юу. 90 онд. Тэгээд ажил их цөөхөн олдоно тэгээд албан газруудаар ороод явж байгаад их удаж байгаад нэг ажилд орлоо. Одоогийн нөгөө эрэл компани-д дээр байгаа тэр … байхгүй юм. Тэгээд тэр сан техникийн ажилдаа орсон чинь дандаа эрэгтэй хүмүүс. Тэгээд миний амьдралд дандаа эрэгтэй хүмүүс их таарна, дандаа эрэгтэй хүн, төмөр замд ажиллаж байхад чинь дандаа эрэгтэй хүмүүстэй ажиллана. Тэгээд л эрэгтэй хүмүүстэй ажиллаад л байна. Тэгээд энэ эрэгтэй хүмүүс аймаар хэцүү юм гэсэн хэрнээ л эрэгтэй хүмүүстэй л ажиллана. Тэгээд сүүлд нь дээд сургуульд сурч байхад бас дандаа нөгөө сантехникийн анги чинь эрэгтэй хүмүүс ш дээ. Бас эрэгтэй явна. Тэгээд сүүлд нь ажилд орсон чинь бас нөгөө сангийнхан чинь дандаа эрэгтэй. 2-хон эмэгтэй байдаг. Тэгээд тэнчээнээ тэгээд л ажиллаж байгаад сүүлдээ нэг бүүр сүүлд нь нэг 20, 28-тай нэг хүнтэй суулаа. Нэг багш хүн байсан юм. Багш хүнтэй тэгээд, за яахав, тэгээд эхлээд суухдаа би нэг их бас нэг хайр сэтгэл гэж бодоогүй юм аа. Зүгээр хайр сэтгэл гэж бодсонгүй, зүгээр эцэг эхгүй нэг, залуу байсан байхгүй юу. Тэгэхээр хөөрхий амьтан энэ бас яахав дээ зүгээр суугаад нэгэнт хүний амьдралын жам юм чинь гээд бас тэр талаараа их муу мэдлэгтэй байсийм. Одоо бодоод байхад бас хүүхдүүд бас эцэг эх нь хүүхдүүтэй бас миний хүү амьдрал гэж ийм юм байдаг ийм, эрэгтэй хүүхдүүд чинь амьдралаа ингэж явна, эмэгтэй хүүхэд чинь за миний хүү ээж болохоороо ингэж яв, тэгэж жоохон хэлмээр юм байна лээ. Манай ээж аав тэр талаар нэг их юм ярихгүй. тэгэхдээ би ээжийгээ муулахгүй л дээ. тэгэхдээ тэр талаар нэг их юм өгдөггүй, хэлдэггүй байсан байхгүй юу. Тэгээд ямар ч мэдлэггүй, тэгээд л ингээд л сууж амьдардаг юм байх гэж бодоод л суучихлаа. Тэгээд суугаад л хөөрхий амьтан тэгсэн, нөгөө хүн чинь жоохон архи уудаг хүн байлаа л даа. Нэлээн архи уудаг хүн байсан. Нэлээн архи уудаг хүн байсан. Тэгээд тэрийг нь би нээг их нарийн мэдээгүй. Тэгээд суучихаад 28-тай суулаа, тэгээд нэг хоёр жил болоод хорин есөн настай хүүхэд гаргахгүй юу. Тэгээд хүүхэд гаргаад тэндээс нөхөр маань нэлээн архи уугаад байна. Тэгээд архи уугаад, тэр үедээ ер нь амьдралыг чинь яг жинхэнэ ингээд утга учир нь юу юм бэ, ер нь болбол амьдралд хүн яаж байж аз жаргалтай амьдардаг вэ гэдгийг ерөөсөө мэддэггүй байсан байхгүй юу. Тэгээд ерөөсөө бүх хү, бурууг л тэр нөхөртөө өгөөд л “энэ ёстой аягүй буруу, энэнээс болсон, энэнээс болсон энэнээс болсон” гээд л дандаа тэгж боддог. Энэний архи ууснаас болсон, миний амьдрал ийм байгаа гээд л дандаа тийм бодлуудыг хийгээд яваад байдаг. Тэгээд сүүлд ингээд одоо ингээд бодоод байхад тэр их буруу байсан байна гэдэг нь мэдэгдээд бас жоохон харамсаж байхгүй юу. Тэгээд л 29-тэй нэг хүүхэд гаргалаа. Тэгээд нэг хүүхэддээ их хайртай байгаа юм аа. Нөгөө хүүхэддээ их хайртай учраас би за байз энэ хүүхдийг алчихаж магадгүй тийм учраас би нэг их хэрүүл мэрүүл ер нь энэ архи дарсны юмнаас холдох ёстой шүү гээд сэтгэлд дандаа тийм юм байдаг. За би ёстой архи дарсны юмнаас ёстой холтгох ёстой, энэ нөхөр хичнээн архи уугаад байсан ч би ер нь засах боломж байхгүй юм байх даа, гээд тэгээд л хичнээн уурлаж унтууцаад л хэрэлдэнэ ээ. (0-08-51) аймаар хэрэлдэж байгаа юм чинь. Хэрэлдээд зодолдоно. Хэрэлдээд бөөн зодоон хэрүүл болоод л ингээд л ёстой амьдрал чинь хачин юм болж байгаа юм чинь. Тэгээд тэр үедээ нөгөө хүүхэд гаргаад ажлаасаа гарчлаа, тэгээд социолизмийн үе байсан юм чинь нөгөө болиод ардчилал гарангууд нөгөө ажил чинь өөрчлөгдөөд хүмүүсээ авахаа болингуут би ажилгүй болчихож байгаа юм. Тэгээд ажилгүй болчихоод за би ямар ч байсан нөгөө хүүхэддээ их хайртай байсан юм чинь за ёстой хөгширсөн хойноо гарсан хөөрхий амьтан, энэ хүүхдийг би амьдруулах ёстой доо гээд л аягүй их хүсэлтэй байгаа юм л даа. Тэгээд юу хийх билээ гэж бодож байгаад л за нэг гутал хийдэг юм билүү гээд л нэг жоохон гуталнууд хийж байсан. Тэгээд зах дээр нөгөө нөхөр чинь нэг их, багш хүн байсан юм, зураач хүн. Тэгээд нөгөө архи уугаад байхаар хүмүүс нь ажилаасаа гаргачихлаа. Тэгээд ер нь би юм оёод, би ингээд буриад гутал оёж байя, чи зарж бай гэсэн чинь нөгөөдөх чинь зараад л овоо, зараад л овоо амьдрал гайгүй болж байна оо. Оо болж байна, нөгөө хүүхдээ тэжээгээд овоо амьдарч болж байна, тэгэхдээ нөгөө архиа уусан хэвээрээ л байгаа. Архиа уугаад л яваад байгаа. Уугаад л яваад байгаа. Тэгээд би ёстой аймаар ууртай, тэр үед чинь ёстой бөөн зодоон болж байгаа юм чинь. Ноцолдоод л ёстой хачин юм бол, одоо ингээд бодоход ёстой яана аа яаж тийм байсан юм болоо гээд айж байгаа юм чинь. Тэгээд л нөгөө амьдралаа тэгээд 10 жилийг бараг тэгээд дуусчихлаа. Тэгээд гутал хийж байснаа ингээд гутал бас амьдралд хүрэхгүй болохоор нь савхин куртик оёж хийлээ. Тэгээд савхин куртка оёод ирсэн чинь их сайхан байгаа юм л даа. (0-9-55) бас мөнгө нь аягүй элбэг олдоод ирж байхгүй юу. Тэгээд нөгөө хүн чинь мөнгө нь элбэг болохоор хүн чинь бас нөгөө ухамсараасаа хамаараад хуучин жаахан архи уудаг байсан хүн чинь улам нэмээд ууж байгаа юм. Тэгээд би чинь ерөөсөө бөөн хэрүүл хийгээд тэр дунд чинь ерөөсөө ганцхан хэрүүл хийгээд тэр дотор чинь гацхан хэрүүл мөнгө 2 дээр л цутгалдчихаж байгаа юм чинь тэгээд л энэ амьдрал чинь харчууд нөгөө хүүхэд хараад байхаар чинь зарим нь ингэж амьдраад байхад энэ хүүхдэд хортой доо эрүүл мэндээр их муу болж магадгүй ер нь хэрүүл их хортой юм байна миний амьдралын зарчим нэг л бишээ. Тэгээд дээр нь манай ээж чинь буддын шашин шүтдэг хүн юм чинь угаасаа л бидний жаахан байхад маань тарни уншаад буддын шашин шүтээд л явдаг байхгүй юу, тэгээд л за ээж ингээд буддын шашин шүтээд ингээд явах нь ямар ач холбогдотой юм болоо гээд бодож байгаад нээрээ ч нэг ямар нэгэн юм шүтэж байх нь дээр ч юм болов уу гээд өөрөө бодоод л өөрөө хэрүүл мэрүүл хийхээрээ Гандан гүйж гарна өө. Тэгээд Гандан гүйж гараад л нөгөөдхөө, юу яаж байгаа юм, Гандан гүйж гараад л за би ёстой нээрээ ийм хэрүүл хараал муу юмнаас яаж салах юм болоо, гээд л нөгөө арьяа хүн байсан болохоор бүтээсэн юм социолизмын үе биш ээ ардчиллын үе бүтээсэн. Тэгээд их сайхан бүтээсэн бурхан байна гээд л тэрэндээ ингээд л хараад дандаа ингээд л нэг итгэл үнэмшилтэй байгаа юмаа, тэгээд л би одоо яг энэ зовлонгоос гарах ёстой яаж гарах вэ, энэ хүүхдийн төлөө гарна шүү гэж эхлээд бодож байгаа юм. Тэгээд л энэ нөхрийг хаячихаж байгаа юм ш дээ, энэ л муу, энэнээс болсон гэж бодож байгаа юм чинь, өөрөө, тэгээд л нөгөө бодоод л яаж би энэ амьдралын юмнаас гарна даа гэж аймаар бодоод л бодоод л байна бодоод тэгээд л дандаа Гандан гүйж гарна уурлаад л хэрэлдэх болгондоо гүйж гарна өө гүйж гараад л тэгээд бүтэн 12 жил…. яг 10 жилийг авсан юм. Яг 10 жилийг аваад тэгээд л нөгөө хүүхэд сургуульд орсон ч гэсэн дээ хагас хэрүүлтэй тэгээд нөгөө Яармагт хуучин манайх чинь 35 жил болсон байхгүй юу, тэгээд яг энэ өөрийнхөө нөхөртэй суугаад бид нар чинь Яармагт нэг 5 жил болсон юм. тэгээд л сүүлд нь тэр 5 жил болоод ер нь хүүхэд сургуульд ч ойрхон юм, ер нь л нэг амьдрал нэг л биш ээ өөрчлөх хэрэгтэй юм байна гэж зүгээр бодогдож байгаа юм л даа тэгээд тэр дундаа их паянтай, тэгээд тэр дундаа би тэгээд л бурхны шашины номыг уншихгүй юм мөртлөө зүгээр хий л ингээд л Жанарайсаг бурхан одоо би яаж энэ зовлонгоос гарах юм бэ? Гээд дандаа үглээд явж байдаг гэхдээ бас уйлаад байгаа юмаа ямар ч байсан намайг гаргаад өгөөч ингээд л яваад байгаа юм итгээд л нөгөө хий итгээд л явж байгаа юм. (0-11-58) тэр яг жинхэнэ яг зүгээр зүрх сэтгэлээсээ бодсон бодол л байсан . Тэгээд л явж байгаад сүүлдээ юу яалаа, сүүлдээ нөгөө хэрүүл эд нар чинь даамжирсаар байгаад муу юмнууд чинь ёстой бүр аймаар болж байгаа юм чинь, тэгээд л амьдрал чинь аяа аяандаа өөрөө урсгалаараа л доройтож байгаа юм нээх шуут доройтож байгаа юм чинь тэгээд нөгөө савхи эд нараа ч хийхээ больсон, нөгөө нөхөр чинь шууд ингээд өвчин тусаад харвалт өгч байгаа юм тэгээд би их уучлал ихтэй байсан л даа, хичнээн тийм архи мархи уугаад л хамаг юмыг нь хаяад л ёстой байсан аймар их өрөнд оруулж байгаа юм чинь тэгээд тэр болгныг би өөрөө ингээд л буцаад савхиа хийгээд л юмаа хийгээд л төлөөд л байдаг, нөгөө хүн чинь ойлгохгүй ингээд л байдаг, би тэр дээрээс нь бухимдаад л байдаг, гарах аргаа ерөөсөө олохгүй амьдралын энэ зовлонгоос гарах гарц нь юу юм бэ? гэдгийг байнга ингээд хайгаад байгаа юм чинь, тэгээд л хайгаад яваад байдаг ерөөсөө олохгүй байсан. Манай ээж нөгөө буддын шашинтай юм чинь тэгээд ингэж байсан чинь нэг өдөр, тэр чинь 98 он байсан юмаа, 98 онд тэгээд манай нөхөр харвалт өгвөө, бүр харвалт өглөө, амьдрал ч бүр доройтчихлоо, би тэгээд яаж ийж аргалж байгаад нэг эмнэлэгт хэвтүүлэлээ яаж ийж аргалж байгаад гарлаа, Тэгээд эмнэлэгээс ч гарчихлаа нөгөө хүүхэд чинь хэрүүл гараад л хачин би ч өөрөө өвчин зовлон бөө хамаг бие чинь нил өвчин болж байгаа юм чинь тархи толгой чинь хавдаад, толгойгоо сүхээр хагалчих юмсан гэж боддог байсан ш д, тэгээд тэр сүүлд ингээд бодоод байхад чинь тэр чинь уурны, юугаар хүний толгой чинь тийм өвчтэй болдог юм байна гэж бодож байгаа л юм даа тэгээд л энд тэнд бүх өвчин аягүй муухай өвчтэй хоолоо сайн шингээхгүй яг тийм болж байгаа юм чинь тэгээд л бүх чинь ерөөсөө тийм болчихсон тэгээд нөгөө нөхөр ч харахад ч ёстой нээрээ зэвүүн хорсол чинь хамаг биеэр дүүрсээр л аймар болж байгаа тэгээд л байж байгаад л, би зарим юм ингээд хольж яриад байна. Нөгөө юу яасан Яармагт байсан тэр энэ тэр нэг жоохон холигдоод байна бас. тэгээд юу яаж байгаа юм л даа тэгээд байж байсан чинь ээж нэг буддын шашинтай хүн байсан юм чинь, “хүүш ээ төвдөөс нэг сайхан залуухан багш ирчихжээ ламиран хийд дээр нэг ном зааж байна, миний хүү яг тэнд зовлонгоос гарах арга тэнд байна шүү” гэж надад хэлдэг юм байна, тэгсэн чинь юу гэж дээ энэ аягүй муу байхад энэ сайжруулна би юу гэж зовлонгоос гарах юм тэр нь шиг худлаа юм байхгүй ээ (0-13-53) ээж гэлээ ээж намайг өдөр болгон бүтэн жил гуйж байгаа юм л даа тэгээд бүтэн жил гуйгсны дараа ингээд би бодоод байсан чинь миний амьдрал хэзээ ч дээрдэхгүй би ёстой гарц байхгүй байнга бухимдаад байж ядаад дандаа бухимдал уур зэвүүцэл төрөөд сүүлдээ энэ хүнийг бодохоор алчих юмсан гэж бодож байгаа юм чинь, тэгээд юу яагаад өөрөө болохоор зэрэг ерөөсөө үхдэг юм билүү гэж бодлоо, үхэхээр одоо хүүхэд хайран энэ ийм архи уудаг хүн энэ хүүхдийг хорлоно доо гээд л, яагаад ингээд үхэд нөгөө хүүхэддээ хорогодоод болдоггүй за байз яая даа гээд бүүр аргаа бараад байдаг тэгж тэгж байснаа ерөөсөө нөгөө ээжийн тэр ном мом гээд байсан тэр буддын шашин үзэл номонд нь ороод үзье нээрээ л гарчихсан ч юм уу хэн мэдлээ гээд л нөгөө нэг өдөр яваад очлоо, тэр ламиран хийд гээд манай гандан хийдийн урд талд нэг хйид байгаа юм л даа, тэгсэн чинь төвдөөс ирсэн гээд сайхан залуухан багш сууж байж байна, зөндөө ингээл игэл жирийн хар хүмүүс ном сонсоод сууж байна тэгээд яахад би ард ороод суучихлаа, тэгээд сонслоо сонсон чинь нэг архины тухай зааж байна аа, тэгээд архины тухай заагаад ингэж байх юм архи уудаг хүнтэй амьдрах бол өөрийн чинь урд насны зовлон үүлийн үр аан тэгээд тэр хүнийг тэгж өсгөх хэрэгтэй ер нь энэ амьдралд чи өөрөө буруутай гэж заадаг юм байна тэгсэн чинь би, чи өөрөө буруутай гээд байх даа яадаг юм тэр архи уугаад аягүй буруутай байхад яагаад намайг буруу гээд тэр лам ёстой хуурж байна даа гэж бодчихлоо. Тэгээд бодож байсан чинь ерөөсөө энийг нь сонсохгүй ээ гээд гэртээ харьлаа нөгөө номыг нь тэр үед нь бүтэн 2 суудаг байсан юм тэгээд 2 суусан суучихаад тэгээд гэртээ харихдаа бодоод ингэж явж байхдаа худлаа үнэгүй бур байгаа юм байна энэ хүн муу байхад наймаг муу байна гэж хэлж байна шүү гээд бодчихлоо тэгээд гэртээ очоод бодоод хагас сайн өдөр суугаад бүтэн сайнд суудаг байхгүй юу тэр чинь 11 –аас 2 цаг хүртэл суудаг, 1 хүртэл суудаг байсан юм. Тэгээд 2 өдөр нь маргааш нь ирдэг юм уу байдаг юм уу гэснээ ер нь үгүй дахиад нэг суугаад үзье гээд гүйгээд очлоо тэгээд очоод суулаа тэгээд суугаад ингэсэн чинь дахиад л та өөрөө буруутай урд нь та архи ууж байсан бол тантай архи уудаг хүн сууна таны үзэн ядах сэтгэл тийм хүнтэй учруулж байгаа юм ерөөсөө таны амьдралын хамаг л буруу нь таны оюун сэтгэлгээнд байдаг ерөөсөө бүх л юм танаас л хамааралтай гээд за за үгүй энэ чинь гаднаас хамаардаг ш дээ эцэг эх муу байвал би байна энэ хүн байвал би муу байна гэж бодож байсан ерөөсөө энэ лам яг хуурч байгаа юм байна (0-16-06) ёстой үнэгүй хуурдаг юм байна даа даалгавартай байдаг юм болов уу ? гээл аягүй бодоод явчихлаа, тэгээд бодоод нөгөөдхөө бүтэн 7 бодлоо, “энэ үнэн болов уу худлаа болов уу өөрөөс болдог гэсэн би уучилж болох байсан юм болов уу” гээд нөгөө л тэр үедээ бид нар савхин куртикээ оёжил байгаа ш дээ би оёоод л байгаа оёод л хоолныхоо мөнгийг олоод ингээд л явж байгаа тэгсэн мөртлөө хэрүүл хийгээд л зодооноо хийгээд л тэгээд л нөгөө буддынхаа шашны номонд нэг 7 суугаад тэгээд бодоод байсан чинь ийм юм шиг байна ерөөсөө очъёо гээд дахиад очиж байгаа юм дахиад л очоод нөгөө суулаа дахиад суусан чинь дахиад ингээд л уур хэрүүл хараалын тухай зааж байхгүй юу тэгээд би их гоё юман дээр буусан л даа бас тэгээд уур гэж ийм юм байдаг уур бол одоо ерөөсөө хүний амьдралд яг одоо байдаг юм биш яагаад гэвэл хүний сэтгэл л өөрөө тэрийг ингээд хүлээж аваад байгаа цаад хүндээ үзэн ядаад байгаа зэвүүцээд байгаа сэтгэлээс чинь уур гараад байгаа юм тэрнээс болоод таны амьдрал доройтоод байгаа юм та өвдөөд байгаа юм зовоод байгаа юм гээд заахгүй юу? худлаа даа энэ одоо 10 жил архи уугаад намайг өр ширэнд оруулаад миний амьдралыг доройтуулсан хүн байхад ерөөсөө энэ дахиад худлаа юм байна гээд дахиад явахгүй гээд явчихлаа. Тэгснээ маргааш нь орой нь бодож бодож хэвтэж байснаа дахиад л нөгөө хагас сайнд суусан хүн чинь бүтэн сайнд нь гүйгээд ирж байгаа юм чинь тэгээд гүйгээд ирлээ, тэгээд гүйгээд ирэнгүйтээ бас суусан чинь, “худлаа байнаа ерөөсөө больёо” гээд гэртээ харьлаа. Тэгээд гэртээ хариад л ингээд дахиад 7 хоног 7 хоногоор ингээд л хагас сайн бүтэн сайнд л заадаг байсан. Тэгээд 7 хоног бодсон чинь үнэн юм шиг байна гээд, тэгсээр байгаад би бүтэн сар явчихлаа. Яг үнэн байна гээд бодчихлоо. яг үнэн юм байна ерөөсөө үнэн юм байна тэгвэл би энэ амьдралыг өөрөө өөрчлөх ёстой юм байна миний амьдрал одоо доройтох нь хамаг юм шууд надад хамаатай шүү. Тэгээд л би тэр амьдрал яг тэгээд бодоод л ингээд амьдралыг өөрчлөх гээд ирсэн хажуу талын хүн бол сэтгэлгээнд өөрчлөгдөхгүй би өөрийнхөө сэтгэлийг өөрчлөх гээд оролдоод байхгүй юу тэгээд оролдоод нөгөө хэл ам хэрүүл хийгээд л би чинь шууд зодолдчдог хүн байсан юм чинь, өөрөө ингээд л ерөөсөө хүн юм хэлэнгүүт шууд өөдөөс нь цохиод л авна ёстой аймар тэнэг болцон ерөөсөө тэгээд хүн өөрийнхөө уур эд нар тийм юмандаа гарзуурчдаг юм байна лээ. (0-17-56) яг галзуурчихсан байгаа юм чинь тэгээд л сүүлдээ энэ номонд ороод ингээд л ирэнгүүт яг галзуурсан байна гээд мэдэгдэж байгаа юм. Тэгээд л ирэнгүүт би чинь тэр зодолдсоор 6 хоног бүтэн 6 сар өөрийнхөө гар хөл 2 ыг атгаж байгаа юм чинь. Бүтэн 6 сар атгаж атгаж тэгсэн тэр хооронд бас амаа татаж байгаа юмаа тэгсэн ам нь жил 3 сар болж байгаа нь ш дээ нөгөө хэрүүлээ татах гэж тэгээд л бүтэн жил 3 сарын дотор 6 сард нь гараа татаад жил 3 сард нь ингээд л амаа татангуут миний амьдрал зүгээр яг зогсож байгаа юм шиг болж байгаа юм чинь тэгсэн хэрнээ амьдрал яг доройтож явсан урсгалаараа доройтдог юм байна лээ, яг доройтоод явж байгаа юм. Тэгээд л яг тэнд байсан чинь нөгөө нөхөр чинь харвалт өгөөд бие нь аягүй муу болчихлоо би өөрөө савхинд дээр ажиллах ямар ч боломжгүй болоод мөнгө төгрөгөө нөгөө өвчтэй хүндээ зориулчихлаа тэгээд миний амьдрал яг 00 болж байгаа юм шууд 00 би ерөөсөө өмссөн хувцастайгаа л үлдлээ. Тэгээд тэгэнгүүтээ би энэ буддын шашны үзэл онол аягүй зөв юм байна би энэ замаар явах хэрэгтэй юм байна энийг үзэхийн тулд би ерөөсөө энэ хүн хадад хэрэггүй болж байгаа юм байна ерөөсөө энийг хаячихдаг юм бил үү гэж байсан чинь нөгөө хүн чинь өөрөө би ерөөсөө багануур ах эгч рүү явлаа гэж тэгж байна л даа. Тэгэхээр нь тэг тэг гээд бүр аягүй дуртай бүүх эд хөрөнгөө бүгдийг өгөөд би хүүхдээ авнаа гэж байна л даа тэгэхээр нь тэг тэг хүүхдээ авна бүгдийг өгнө надад одоо юу ч хэрэггүй би зүгээр одоо номын санд сурч байгаад гарчих байна энэ амьдралаас гарчих юм байна тийм учраас тэгж бодлоо тэгээд л нөгөө Яармагт байсан хашаа байшингаа бүгдийг зарлаа тэр мөнгө юу ч байхгүй яагаад гэвэл миний нөгөө муу сэтгэлийн хорны үржил, эдийн засаг, эрүүл мэнд бүх юмыг яг арчиж байгаа юм чинь яс номерлодог юм билээ. Тэгээд л номерлоод л юу ч байхгүй болсон тэгээд л нөгөө хүний эрүүл мэнд ч хохирчихлоо тэгээд би яагаад өөрийнхөө эрүүл мэндийг авч үлдсэн бэ гэвэл одоо ингээд бодсон л доо одоо би буддын шашинд 7 жил сууж байгаа яахав бүүр сайн сайжирж бундаг болсон гэхгүй тэгэхдээ амьдрал үнэн юм байдаг юм байна гэдийг батлаж үзсэндээ их баяртай байгаа байхгүй юу тэгээд л одоо ингээд бодоод байхад би яагаад бас өөрийнхөө биеийг гайгүй аваад авсан үлдчихсэн юм болоо гэж бодсон чинь уучлалтай хүн байсан. Хүний нэг л сайн чанар хүний амьдралыг цааш нь аваад явчдаг юм байна, ёстой үнэн байна буддын шашны онол ёстой үнэн байна гээд аягүй тэрэндээ баярлаад дараа нь архи уусан ч гэсэн уучилдаг байсан за хөөрхий амьтан би өрөвдөж байж болох тэгээд би шууд зодолдохгүй байж болох байсан байна ш дээ (0-19-48) би хөөж туухгүй байж болох байсан байна хөөрхий амьтан хэрэггүй л тэгсэн байна тэгээд л ёстой нээрээ дэндүү муухай юм хийч ч дээ гээд өөрийгөө ингээд л эмчилээд л байж байгаа юм чинь тэр үед миний амьдралын яг бүтэн 3 жил яг зогсонго байдалд орсон байхгүй юу яг 00-лоод л бүх юм эдийн засгийн хувьд ч тэр эрүүл мэндийн хувьд ч тэр аль аль тал нь ингээд л шууд 00-лоод л ирж байгаа юм чинь яг тэгэнгүүт чинь за тэрний сэргийлэхийн тулд надад 3 жилийн хөдөлмөр хэрэг болсон байхгүй юу тэгээд л байж байгаад нөгөө нөхөр чинь саллаа салаад явчихлаа тэгэнгүүт нь бас савхи хийж байнсны үр дүнд чинь би чинв бас хуримтлал үүсгэх их дуртай хүн, бас мөнгөнд дуртай бас шуналтай байна л да тэгээд нөгөө мөнгөө хуримтлуулж байсан чинь 1.000 000 төгрөг хуримтлуулчихсан байсан тэр сая төгрөгөрөө нэг Багануурын байр багануурын байр чинь хямдхан ш дээ тэгээд эгч нь байдаг эгчийн нь түшүүлээд тэгээд тавьчихъяа тэгээд нэг 2 өрөө байр нэг сая төгрөгөөр авчихлаа тэгээд сая төгрөгөөр авж гэр орныхоо бүх эд хөрөнгөө хүүхэддээ өгчихлөө тэгээд би хүүхдээ хаяхыг аягүй хүсээгүй яагаад гэвэл за яахав би ном үзэж байгаа эргээд авна да ямар ч байсан хүүхдээ авах ёстой шүү! Юу ч гэсэн энэ хүний хүслээр нь өгөөд тавьчихъяа гээд нөгөө хүүхдээ тавиад өгчихлөө нөгөө хүн чинь зан суртахуун нь өөрчлөгдөж бас… их жаахан одоо зүгээр ингээд ярихад хүнийг муулах муухай л даа би өөрөө тэр үедээ засаж чадаагүй байсан юм одо бол их гайгүй сайхан болж байгаа л даа, тэгээд юмыг яг ойлгохдоо, өрөвдөх, энэрлэх тэр сэтгэл нь тутмаг тийм хүн байсан байхгүй юу, байсан. Одоо ч гэсэн тийм л байгаа л даа тэгэхэд би өөрийгөө өөрчлөөд ирэхээр цаад хүн дагалдаж ямар гоё өөрчлөгддөг вэ? гэдэг нь яг аягүй гоё гардаг байхгүй юу . Тэгээд нөгөө хүн чинь тэр үедээ хүүхдээ аваад л ингээд ингээд явчихна. Тэгээд би яаж ийж байгаад дахиад нөгөө савхин куртик ээ өөрөө ганцхан оёдлын машинтай үлдэж байгаа юм л даа. Тэгээд айлын хажууд нэг намайг нэг жижигхэн гэртээ байсан тэгээд нөгөөдөхийг чинь байр оронтой эд хөрөнгөтэй бүх юмтай нь өгчихлөө надад хоргодоод байх юмгүй гээд тэгээд би савхи хийдэг юм чинь болно биз гэж бодоод нөгөө оёдлын машинаа зүгээр нэг хоосон гэрт аваад үлдчихлээ. Тэгээд л нэг айлын хашаанд сахиа оёоод л нөгөө дүү нарынхаа хашаанд үлдэж байгаа юм л даа , тэгээд дүү нарынхаа хажууд ингээд л савхиа оёоод л бүх юмаа хийгээд тэгээд нөгөө хуучин хашаануудаа зарлаа (0-21-38) гэсэн хашааны мөнгөнүүд юу ч болоогүй тэр мөнгөнүүдээ ингээд л аваад л нэг түц авж өгөөд дотор нь байна шүү баахан бараа эд нарыг нь авч өгөөд за тэгээд ингээд амьдраад хүүхэдтэйгээ ингээд байрныхаа мөнгийг төлөөд л хөл дээрээ тогтоод ингээд сайхан амьдраарай гээд л ингээд орхичихлоо. Тэгээд өөрөө бурхны шашны номонд ингээд явж байгаа юм тэр үедээ савхи ерөөсөө оёогүй шууд бүтэн 3 сар … 3 сар би бурхны шашны номонд явж байгаа юм тэр үед буршы шашин аягүй гоё дэлгэрч байсан байхгүй юу тэгээд аягүй том том олон олон ингээд гэрш багш нар ринбучи багш нар ирээд тэгээд би 35 багшийн номонд суучихсан ш дээ одоо бараг 35 багштай болчихсон байгаа юм чинь, тэгээд 35 багшийн номонд суугаад тэгж байхдаа хараа ерөөсөө, ерөөсөө л нэг маажгий гуталтай байсан тэгээд автобусны мөнгөгүй зүгээр автобусны мөнгөгүй явж байна. тэгээд бичиг дэвтэр ч байхгүй үзэг ч байхгүй тэгээд сонсоод л ёстой яг энэ зөв байх ёстой яг энэ гарц мөн шүү гээд аягүй итгэж байгаа юм чинь ёстой яг үнэн энийгээр л явж байж би гарна гээд л аягүй итгээд л тэгээд нөгөө замаараа явлаа. Бүтэн 3 сар ингээд л явах чинь ёстой миний бие аягүй муу байгаа юм л даа тэрхэн үедээ тархи толгой чинь тарах гэж байгаа юм чинь нөгөө 10 жилийн уурны энерги чинь тархийг чинь задлах гэж байгаа юм чинь ёстой муухай өвчин болдог юм билээ. Ерөөсөө өвчний үндэс нь уур нөгөө шунал эд нар чинь яг үнэн юм байна л ээ тэгээд л баталчихаж байгаа юм чинь, тэгээд л толгой тархи чинь ёстой аймар өвдөөд л толгой эргээд л хамаг бие ингээд л өвдөөд ингээд л яваад байна тэгэнгүүт чинь би нөгөө номонд чинь яваад байгаа юмаа толгойгоо эргүүлээд өглөө 9-өөс орой 9 хүртэл хов хоосон тэгээд нэг сар явчихлаа. Тэгсэн чинь үхэхгүй байгаа юм чинь (инээв) ерөөсөө үхэхгүй унаж ойчихчгүй эмчилгээ ч хэрэглэсэнгүй, эмчилгээ ч хэрэглэсэнгүй тэр чигтээ л яваад л тэгээд нэг орой ээж дээрээ ирээд л манай ээж энэ юуны юунд байсан байхгүй юу хоорололд байсан байхгүй юу, тэгээд ээж ганцаараа байж байна тэгээд байранд тэгээд ээж дээрээ ирэхээр за миний хүү толгой тархи чинь эргээд аягүй муухай байна одоо ёстой яана одоо энэ цайг уу гээд л орой л нэг цай уудаг тэгээд л бүтэн сар өглөөнөөс орой хүртэл номонд яваад л тэгээд л номонд яваад байна. Тэрэнд ч ёстой аймар халтай яг үнэн байна яг ингэх ёстой юм байна, яг энэ буруу байна, энэ зөв байна гээд л бодоод л ингээд яваад л яваад л байгаа юм тэгээд л явж байгаад л нэг бүтэн 6 сар боллоо нөгөө нөхөр ч яахав салаад тийшээгээ ингээд явчихсан. (0-23-28) Тэгээд би тэд нарыг эргүүлээд авнаа гэхэд надад байна ш шүү дээ авнаа гэхээр нэг жаахан нэрэлхээд, авахгүй ээ гэхээр хүүхэд хайран санагдаад тэгээд сэтгэлд байвал үзэн ядаад шууд хаячихсан юм байхгүй бүх юмыг уучилаж байгаа юм чинь бүгдийг уучлаад сэтгэлээ аягүй гоё цэвэрльеэ гээд аймар гоё цэвэрчиж байгаа юмаа цэвэрлээд өөрөө тэгээд бүтэн 6 сар болсон чинь нөгөөдүүл чинь өөрөө хар аяандаа бид нар одоо өөрөө хүрээд ирьеэ энд ингэж амьдарч болохгүй юм байна ерөөсөө болохгүй юм байна ерөөсөө ингээд хүрээд ир гэхээр нь тэг тэг гээд аягүй гоё зөвшөөр ч байж байгаа юм. Тэгээд яагаад би тэрийг зөвшөөрсөн гэхээр манай энэ ном зааж байсан энэ гэрш багш юу яасан байхгүй би энэ ерөөсөө энэ хүнээс салчихдаг юм бил үү гээд эхэндээ би ном ойлгохгүй байгаа чинь салчдаг юм бил үү аягүй хэцүү юм байна ерөөсөө ингээд салаад явчих уу гэсэн чинь манай багш тэгж байгаа юм л даа салаад хэрэггүй ээ хүн өөрийнхөө үйлийн үрийг өөрөө л эдэлдэг юм та өөрөө сэтгэлээ сайжруулаад л наад хүнээ сайжруулаад л авахад танд болохгүй юм гэж байхгүй ш дээ гэж гэсэн. Би шууд нөгөө багшийн чинь үгэнд орж байгаа юм чинь яг үнэн зөв байна ерөөсөө аймар итгэлтэй тэр багшийн үгэнд орсон. Тэгээд л орой байж байсан чинь нөгөөдүүл чинь аяндаа ингээд хүрээд ирж байгаа юм чинь тэгээд хүрээд ирсэн чинь би аймар баяртай угтаад авчихаж байгаа юм аа ерөөсөө урд нөгөө хэрэлдэж байсан зодолдож байсан тэр мэрийг чинь бүгдийн нь мартчихсан яг амьдралыг шинээр эхлэх гээд яг ингээд бүх юм аягүй гоё тогтонги болсон . Тэгэхдээ эдийн засгийн хувьд унаад л явж байгаа яг л хоолгүй л байж байгаа байхгүй юу, хоолгүй л байгаа тэгээд л тэгээд тэнчээнээ 1 жил болоод бид нар яаж ийгээд аргалаад ингээд явчихлаа. Тэгээд л ингээд ном сонсоод явсан чинь та өглөгийн буян байхгүй болохоор хоолгүй болдог юм, өглөг сайн өгч байх хэрэгтэй хүнд сайхан хандах хэрэгтэй сэтгэлийн сайхан чанаруудаа бүгдийг дэлгэх хэрэгтэй гэж зааж байгаа юм л даа тэгэнгүүт нөгөө би тэгэх ёстой юм байна шүү гээд бүтэн 3 жил өглөг өгч байгаа юм л даа, тэгээд 3 жил болж байж миний амьдрал яг эдийн засгийн хувьд тогтож байгаа байхгүй юу. Тэгээд номонд яваад л байсан номонд яваад л байсан тэгсэн хэрнээ нөгөө цаад хүн чинь ойлгохгүй намайг ингэдэг байхгүй юу нөгөө манай нөхөр чинь “ёстой Оогий Otgoo ёстой ямар тэнэг юм вэ? тэнэг нь л бурхны шашин номонд явна ш дээ” гэсэн. Тийм биш байна аа энэ яг гарц байна яг үнэн байна шүү гээд би тэгээд байгаа юм. (0-25-13) Тэгсэн чинь тэгээд тэнэгээрээ дуудуулаад тэгээд 3 жил авчиж байгаа юм чинь тэгээд тэнэгээрээ дуудуулаад л байсан за яахав дуудаж л байг эцсийн эцэст яг үр дүн нь яг гарна энэ бол яг зөв зам гээд л аймар итгэлтэй болж байгаа юм. тэгээд бүтэн 3 жилийг чинь ингээд л манайх тэгээд Яармагт тэр айлын хашаанд байж байгаад хуучин хашаа машаагаа бүгдийг нь зарчихсан юм чинь тэгээд айлын хашаанд байж байгаад сүүлд нь нөгөө нэг тэнд 2 өрөө байр авчихсан байсан тэр 2 өрөө байрныхаа мөнгийг эргүүлж аваад нөгөө тэгээд байраа зарчихсан багануурынхаа байрыг зарчихаад тэр мөнгөө аваад л тэгээд би телевизит нэг хашаа байшин авсан байхгүй юу тэгээд Ганданд бас ойрхон юм номонд сууя аль аль талд нь хүүхдийн хичээлд ч зүгээр юм гээд тэр хашаа их гоё азтай олдож байга юм л даа бас нөгөө сайн юм санаад явахаар бас юманд ойрхон сайхан юманд бас өөрөө аяа аяандаа тэгээд юмны чинь нөгөө явц хурдтай эрэгдэггүй юм байна л даа бас их зөөлхөн алгуурхан зөв тал руугаа эрэгдэг. Огцом юм гарч ирж байгаа юм шиг эрэгдэггүй тэр нь их тэвчээртэй гоё хүлээгээд тэгээд уйгагүй нөгөө юмаа хийгээд байх хэрэгтэй байсан билээ тэгээд л тэгээд телевит хашаа авчихлаа нөгөө хүүхэд 1-р ангид орж байгаа юм чинь тэгээд хүүхдээ 1-р ангид нь өгчихлөө, нөгөө манай нөхөр чинь тэгээд нөгөө бас архи уудаг байсан хэвээрээ л байсан би савхиа эргүүлдээ оёж байгаа юм тэгээд нөхрийгөө зарж байгаа юм тэгээд заруулдаг байхгүй юу тэгээд архиа уугаад л тэгээд л бас тэгээд явдаг байсан тэгсэн мөртлөө ерөөсөө архи уухыг үзэн ядахаа больсон хүлээн зөвшөөрчихлөө архи уувал ууж л байг харин гэртээ уугаараа гадаа дотор уувал аягүй эрүүл мэндэд чинь муу байх бие хаа чинь өвдөх байх тэгсний хэрэггүй гэж уур хэрүүл нөгөө бүгдийг тас тас хорьж байгаа юм тэгээд л нөгөө үзэн ядах сэтгэлүүдээ хаяж байгаа юм ингээд л сайн чанаруудаа бүгдийг хүлээж байгаа юм чинь тэгээд бүтэн 3 жил өө ёстой нээрээ яг телевизээс гараад дэнжийн 1000 ордог байхгүй юу 301 минут явдаг байхгүй юу ирэхдээ цаг явна цаг явахдаа юу хийж явдаг вэ гэхээр бүр ёстой аймаар их нохойний хоол үүрчинэ ээ нөгөө нохойний хоол өглөгийн цаг надад эдийн засаг байхгүй ээ гэдэг нь ойлгомжтой тэгээд бүтэн 3 жил нохойний хоол өө ёстой халуунаар нь хөлс гоожоод нөгөө 40, 50 хэл юм үүрж байгаа юм чинь тэгсэн аягүй итгэлтэй үүрээд яваад яваад байна яваад л замд тэгсэн чинь аягүй ингээд л охин нохой өлссөн цангасан хойноос дагаад л би өглөг өгөхийг ёстой дээд зэргэээр ерөөсөө хүний сэтгэлийн хүч тийм гоё байдаг юм билээ Тэгээд ёстой аягүй их хүссэн за ямар ч байсан би өлссөн цангасан нохойнд л энэ хоолийг өгөх ёстой тэгжийж би хоолтой байна гэдгийг яг үнэн шүү гээд л яваад байхаар чинь замаар чинь ёстой дандаа өлссөн цангасан нохойнууд чинь өөрөө гарж ирж байгаа юм чинь тэгэнгүүт чинь би ёстой өөрөө нэг нэг уутаар нь шидээд нэг уут нь бараг 5 киллограмм байдаг байхгүй юу (0-27-23) тэгээд 10-г хаяхад 5 хэл болчино Тэгээд 1 нэгээр нь шидсээр байгаад тэгээд гэртээ хүрээд ирэхэд манай нөгөө хажуу талд байсан охин нохой байдаг тэрэнд л хаяж өгөөд өөрийнхөө нохойнд өгөөд л бүтэн 3 жил нохойнд хоол өгж байгаа бүтэн 3 жил мөргөл хийж байгаа бүтэн 3 жил энэ дар эхийг уншиж зан үйл талаас нь ёстой маш их аягүй их хийсэн тэгээд л эхлээд нөгөө толгой маш их өвддөг байсан юм чинь тэгээд бурхны шашины номонд ингээд суугаад дарь эх уншихаар яг ёстой толгой хагарах гэж байгаа юм чинь яг энэлүү хатгачихна ерөөсөө нөгөө номоо уншихаа болидог юм билүү гээд болвж байгаа юм чинь бүр хатгаад байдаг тэгээд одоо ингээд бодоод бүтэн 7 жил ингээд суугаад ингээд бодоод байхад л хүний сэтгэлийн хор гадагшилахдаа хүний биеийг ямар аймаар өвтгөж гардаг юм бэ гэдгийг одоо л дөнгөж ойлгож байгаа юм байхгүй юу Тэгээд номыг их сайн сураагүй гэлээ гэхдээ бурханы шашины өмнө үзэл онол миний амьдралийг бүтэн орвонгоор нь эргүүлж чадсан гэдгийг одоо бол ямар ч сонин хэвлэлээр бичсэн ч би зүгээр өөрийнхөө нэртэй бичсэн ч ерөөсөө санаа зовохгүй хэлж чадна, Яагаад гэвэл бүх л амьдралаараа туулсан .одоо манай нөхөр тэгээд нэг их архи уухаа байцан гадуур дотуур явж уухаан болисон би ерөөсөө эмчилгээ хийлгээгүй хориглоогүй зүгээр л чөлөөтэй өөрөө уу хамаагүй чи өөрөө ууж чадаж л байвал уу биеэнд чинь сайн ч юмуу муу ч юм уу өөрөө л мэд эрх чөлөө олгоё чамд би өөртөө сэтгэлийн эрх чөлөө олгоё Тэгээд байж байсан чинь нөгөө нөхөр чинь өөрөө аяа аяандаа уухаа болиод гадуур дотуур явахаа болиод гэртээ суудаг тийм болжихгүй юу тэгээд одоо групптэй байдаг юм л даа Тэгээд нөгөө тэр үеийн нөгөө сэтгэлийн хороор хийсэн хор чинь нөгөө харвалт өгүүлсэн тэр нь тэгээд ингээд явж байгаа гэхдээ тогтинго тэгээд байжийж чадаж байгаа тэгээд яг нөгөө хүүхэд сургуульд ороод л тэгээд өөрийнхөө аясаар ингээд яваад бурханы шашины номыг ерөөсөө хаяагүй ингээд яваад Yes. I was born May 15, 1963 in the family of a man called Tsendjav. My family is from the Delegerkhaan soum of Touv aimag, My mother and father were both from that place. Mine was a very large family, 8 of us lived together. There were 6 no 7 girls and 2 boys, I have 1 elder brother and 5 elder sisters, a younger brother and a younger sister. So since my childhood I was born and brought up in an ordinary and very industrious family of a worker. At that time we lived over there in that Yarmag.(Former site of exhibition and fair) Yarmag is place at some a distance from Ulaanbaatar, it in the suburbs. This was very nice place when I was young we spent hours at the river swimming. We ran to the river and swam there for a whole day, my family had cows, I would run after the cows. So I spent my childhood years from very tender years tending the cows and the calf, running after them and it left me really wonderful memories, because when you swim and sun bath you grow healthy and get stronger, as I recall, now, life was truly wonderful, which as a child how did I know at that time. Now, I think that it was good while running after the cows and calf you were growing stronger and it was indeed useful for me. So (0-02-50) in 1973 I was enrolled in a school at the Yarmag, in the first grade. Since the first grade I was just an ordinary student, I was never extremely good at my studies. In general, I coped with my studies. I was a very timid child, I now think that timidity of character is harmful to you, being timid means you are hiding all of your potentials. This is what I think lately after becoming more conscious and wise. At that time I was very reserved and kept myself rather closed thus I was leading a life of an ordinary child, helped a little my father and mother, did my lessons, my elder siblings were very good students, extremely good, they always received excellent marks. I would get satisfactory mark, not that good in my studies. But I was a hard worker, since my childhood I was rather forgiving and always tried to help others, that was the thought I harboured in my mind. So going like that for a while from 1971 (raised her voice) in my school from 5, 6th grade children started attending sports courses. So I began to take lessons on athletics. Then that I used to run after calf had turned to be useful, so running was proved to be very useful. (She spoke laughing) When cows and calf are approaching each other we had to sprint (to prevent them joining each other) that this time displayed its fruits and I could run very fast. So thanks to that I had won several medals. Though I felt very satisfied at that time, in general I apparently was a child with little emotion, I was a child of few words, mostly kept silence. So I was a silent child, rather reserved and restrained as well as rather closed child. So I was going for sports till I finished the 10th grade, in the 10th grade naturally I did not participate in many competitions. I was a moderate student but when you are in sports, there is a tendency to put aside your studies, but the teachers at that time were rather demanding specially a teacher of mathematics of mine always reminded me to pay more attention to my studies. At that time I resented and thought he was extremely boring. But now when I think it over and over again that teacher helped me immensely. But after finishing 10th grade I did not enter an institute, did not. At that time I thought of enrolling in the Institute of Physical culture, but I was hospitalized because of jaundice(hepatitis) for this reason I could not enter any institute and sought employment. So I worked in the rail ways. The workers of the railways were mostly young people, recently demobilized from the army, many of them were just young boys, we travelled from the south to the north, from Selenge to Ulan-Ude, no, to Zamy-Uud. (0-5-14) Even though I was working together with all these youth and travelled back and forth and met a lot of different people, I did not establish any close relationship with any of those men, I was doing my job in silence, the reason for that was, my mother always told me if you enter into intimate relations with a man you are over, you will catch a terrible disease and pass away, so I accepted it as the truth and kept safe distance (хүүхдээс цэрвэдэг?) from men (children in the text?), I really believed in her. I was reluctant to communicate with men and usually kept silence. So thus I worked almost for 4 years and then on an assignment from the league (of revolutionary youth) entered this institute, the Technical University. Though I did not get high marks at 10 year school I was a hardworking kid. I made very efforts to do something even if it was something I could not do. In school for the last a few years I dedicated more time in athletics and did not gain much knowledge but after entering the institute, since I was a hardworking person, I did learn a lot, the institute gave me a very good education. Because I learned to communicate with people, I was a an extremely reserved child, then I learned how to communicate with others, at a later stage I could communicate with my teachers freely and comfortably. I gained some confidence in myself in a belief that I could do something. So I studied at the Technical university, at that time it was not a Technical university I am referring to it by its present name. Then I graduated from the chair of plumbing fixtures (sanitary techniques). When I graduated from the plumbing fixtures class I thought, well, this profession of mine will never bring me any reward, so since you can not go just thinking about that I took up a job anyway. It was the time when socialism was living up its last days, it was the end of socialism and beginning of democracy, in 90. There were very a few vacancies available after quite sometime I did get a job, in this present “Erel”… company. So I took up the job, there were all men. This way wherever I did go I was always among men, it was like that when I was working in railway. So I had to work all the time alongside of men. Even I thought it was awfully difficult I had to work with them. Later when I was studying in plumbing chair of the institute there were only 2 women the rest were all men. So I worked there and very late when I was already 20… 28, I married a man. He was a teacher. When I married the teacher, at first, I did not think much of love. I did not think about love and affection, he was a young man who lost his parents. So I, somewhat, pitied him and married him because I thought it was the nature of life and that time I had very little knowledge about marriage. When I now look back it seems to me very important that parents should talk (about marriage) and give their children some understanding about life, in general, how a boy should take care of his life, the mother should counsel the daughter when you become a mother you should do this and that. My mother and father did not speak very much to me on this issue, I am not saying anything bad about my mother. But she did not give me any counselling on this subject. So without any knowledge, with a thought you marry a man and life goes its own way I married. After the marriage I found out that the poor man drink a bit, in fact, he drank quite a lot. He drank quite a lot. I had no clear idea about that before. So I married him at the age of 28, then after a year or two when I was 29 old I gave birth to a child. After the birth of the child my husband continued to drink. He was drinking and at that time I had no idea what was the essence or meaning of life, how one can be happy in the life, how one can live happily. So I blamed my husband for everything wrong, I always thought he was the culprit and everything was going wrong because of him, it was his fault. Due to his drunkenness, my life had become like this, was the thought that I kept in my mind constantly. Then when we look back and think about it I found out in many instances I was wrong and I feel some regret about that. So I became a mother at the age 29. And I loved my child. Because I loved my child very much I was afraid that he might kill my child and therefore, the thought that I should distance myself from this ugly quarrels and alcohol was always embedded in my mind. I thought that I should force my husband to stop drinking, then since he continued his drinking spree I started to think that no matter how hard I try I can not change the situation and I got very angry and quarrelled (0-08-51). We had terrible quarrels and then fought each other. Quarrelled, fought and beat each other so my life had become unbearable. Then after giving the birth I left my work during the socialist period, but after the democracy the place I was working was reformed and laid out its workers and I became an unemployed. So I was out of work but since I loved my child dearly, I had the ardent desire to support my child who was born when I was almost an old lady and decided do to whatever I can. Then after reflecting for a while I decided to make shoes and made shoes for some time. My husband was a teacher, he was a painter, he was working at a market but since he was drinking he was dismissed. So I sew something, specially Buryad shoes and told my husband to sell them, he sold the shoes and our livelihood started to improve. Things were getting better, I could feed my baby and life was getting better but he continued to drink vodka. He would drink and drink. So I was terribly angry and we had a lot of fight. It was awful we wrestled each other it must have been ugly to look, now when I think of that time I am terribly ashamed and afraid to remember it. In that manner 10 years of my life had slipped away. Well, I made shoes and the money we get for that was not enough and I started sewing leather jackets. With sewing of leather jackets things looked much better. (0-9-55) We received much more money from the sale. When we had more money, the man-my husband who was lacked consciousness and who before used to drink less started drinking much more. So I had to quarrel with all the time, we lived only in quarrel, everything span around quarrel and money, I was afraid that this way of life would be harmful to my child, the child’s health might suffer and grow unhealthy, seeing these quarrels and intoxicated man were very poisonous (harmful) and thought this principle of my life (I am holding) was not right. In addition to that my mother was a believer of Buddha, when we were still young she used to recite tarni (dharani) and worshipped Buddha, I wondered what was the use of worshipping Buddha to my mother, then started thinking may be it has some implication if I also worshipped something after the regular bout of quarrel I used to run to the Gandan monastery. So I went to Gandan and did that, When I arrived at Gandan my mind was always busy with the thought how can I get rid of these quarrels and curses, there was this creation of an Ariya (Statue of Jansraisag) not of the socialist period but created at the outset of democracy. I thought it was a beautiful image of Buddha and stared at it, a certain belief in its power was born. So at first I began contemplating I must get out of these sufferings and misery, I must do away this misery for the sake of my child. So I decided that he was the source of everything bad, he was the cause bad things and separated from my husband. I was always pondering how I could get out of this situation in my life, thought and thought awfully many times, whenever I got angry had a quarrel with him I would run to Gandan, thus I went for 12 full…10 full years. Exactly at 10th year the child went to school. But we still quarrelled. At Yarmag my family lived for 35 years, after my marriage to my husband we spent 5 years at the Yarmag. So later after 5 years I started to think, we should live nearer to the school of the child, my life was getting nowhere, we needed some real change. In the meanwhile, many funny instances did happen, even if I don’t read or recite Buddhist teachings, I visited regularly the Jansraisag burkhan and asked him how could I get rid of these sufferings and all the time mumbled and cried please help me to get rid of this misery. So I was blindly believing in it.(0-11-58) This was the thought that occupied my mind and filled my heart. So in this manner my life went on and at a later stage the quarrels grew and intensified so everything bad really piled up to an awful dimension, my life deteriorated gradually by itself and it suddenly plummeted drastically so I had to stop making leather jackets, my husband fell ill and he had a stroke. I was extremely forgiving toward him no matter how much he drank, he squandered all our belongings, we were deeply in debt, I started again to make leather jackets and was paying the debts, but he did not understand or come to senses. In addition to all these I was in despair and extremely depressed, I was constantly searching for an exit from these sufferings, but my search was futile I could not find the way out. My mother was a believer of Buddhist religion. Then one day, it was I think in 98, in 98 my husband had a stroke, he had a severe stroke, my life plummeted, I did what ever I can and somehow managed to hospitalize him and had him treated in one or the other way and he was discharged from the hospital. So he was out of the hospital, but now the child began to stir up constant rows, I was also suffering from pain, my whole body ached, my head swelled, even the thought why don’t I crack my head by an axe came to my mind. However, long after that I thought it was because of anger, because of the poison of anger that you get that head ache. And then I had terrible pains everywhere, I could not digest my food. So that was the position I found myself in the end. I could not even look on my husband, disgust or hatred that overfilled my whole body brought me to such an awful state. Sorry, I am mixing the process a little when I tell you. In particular, events that took place during our stay at the Yarmag is muddled up a bit. So it went on like this my mother was a devotee of Buddhist religion. And she told me “hey, a nice young teacher came from Tibet and he teaching books at Lamiran monastery, my daughter, you have the way out from these miseries. So I said to my mother there is nothing further than the truth that this dire situation will improve and I’ll get rid of these sufferings.(0-13-53) My mother tried to pursued me to go over there for a whole year, after being persuaded for a year, I thought and thought and came to the conclusion that my life will never improve, for me there was no way out of this situation. So I was always desperate and angry, I was so angry that when I thought about this person (my husband) I wanted to kill him. Then what I thought was let’s die, but the thought if I die what would happen to my poor child, such a drunkard will harm this child came to my mind. So even if I wanted to die (I could not because) I was too attached to my child, so I exhausted all the ways and means then after a while I decided lets try that lectures on Buddhist religion and its teachings my mother told me about, who knows may be there I can find a way out of the situation and I went over there. That Lamiran is a monastery situated to south of our Gandan monastery. Then a handsome young lama who was said from Tibet was sitting there, many ordinary laymen were listening to his sermons, I entered and sat at a back eat. And listened to him, he was speaking about alcohol, speaking about alcohol and drunkenness he was saying that living with an alcoholic was the fruition of or the consequence of your previous life so you should take care of that person, in this life you are the guilty one this was what he taught and I thought why should I be the guilty one, it was he who drink and it was his fault but why I should be the guilty one, this lama is deceiving you. So I thought for a while and decided not to listen him and went back home. Then it was a two hour sermon and after 2 hours when I was going home after attending for 2 hours his teachings I thought he was lying why one should blame me when the other man was wrong. The sermons were held for two days on Saturdays and Sundays from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., sometimes until one o’clock. After hesitating whether to attend or not the second day of sermon I decided let’s try once again and came and attended it. Then he was telling again that you are the one to blame because in your previous life you yourself drank vodka and now married an alcoholic, your hatred caused that you meet such a person. All the wrongs in your life emanate from your own mind and consciousness, everything depends on you. I thought well, well, you are dependent on factors from the outside, if the mother or father were bad I shall be bad, if this man is bad then I shall also be bad. This lama is exactly deceiving me (0-16-06), he is fooling me not charging for that, may be he has been sent specially on such a mission. I had such an unpleasant thought and left. But I reflected over it for the whole week, “Is it true or not, if it was because of me couldn’t I have been more kind and lenient”. Meanwhile, I continued to sew leather jackets earning money to buy food at the same time we continued to quarrel and fight each other. Anyway I attended Buddhist lectures 7 times and after reflecting it over decided I decided to continue attending it and I again came to the lecture. When I came again he was delivering sermon on anger, quarrels and hatred. I happened to attend the most important of those sermons. He was telling about anger, there is such a thing as anger but anger is not something that is omnipresent in your life. Anger comes from your mind, from the perception of hatred and disgust you feel towards that person it is the reflection of that state of your mind, therefore you hate that other man and treat him with disgust. Anger is born from this state of your mind because of this your life is deteriorating and you fall ill and suffer. This was what he taught. I thought, no, it is not true, there is the person who had been drinking for 10 years, because of him I am deep in debt, it was him who degraded my life, it is not true from the very beginning and I decided never again to come back and left. But the next evening I was lying and thinking over it again and again and after attending the Saturday sermon, came running to the Sunday sermon and attended it as well. Then I again thought “no, it is not true, let’s stop it” and went home. The sermons were given on every weekend on Saturdays and Sundays. After reflecting hard for a while and thinking apparently it is true, I attended the sermons for a whole month. Now I had a firm belief that it was true. It is exactly so, it is the truth of life so I should change my life, if my life deteriorates it is because of me, everything is dependent on me. So I was determined to realize it in my life, if there is no change in the mind of the other person at my side, I thought then I should change my own mind. Previously I was a person who rushed into fight whenever we had a quarrel or dispute, I used to strike back as soon as I heard what I perceived as an offence against me, I had turned to such a terrible foolish person, I was really awfully foolish, I think a person gets almost crazy because of one’s anger and desperation. (0-17-56) In fact, I was virtually mad. Later when I attended the teaching I became aware that craziness. So I tried hard to restrain myself and not fight for 6 days, for whole 6 months, so I hold tight my arms and legs. (Тэгээд л ирэнгүүт би чинь тэр зодолдсоор ? 6 хоног бүтэн 6 сар өөрийнхөө гар хөл 2 ыг атгаж байгаа юм чинь.) While holding tight my arms I also curbed my tongue. This way I shut my mouth for a year and three months, in order to subdue that quarrels for 6 months out of the year and three months I hold tight my hands and I curbed my tongue for a year and three months. Then it seemed to me that my life came to a standstill, however, my life continued to slide down, it just went down along the road of deterioration by itself, it was sliding down (the hill). Exactly at this point my husband had a stroke and he got very ill, I lost the possibility to sew leather goods because I had spend all my money for the treatment of the patient so my life hit the mark Zero, it reached the point 00, I was left only with the clothes I had on me. Then at that point I decided that the theory and views of the Buddhist religion is the truth I should take this path and follow this road. I don’t need this man and was thinking shall I divorce him then he himself said I would leave for Baganuur (name of a town)to be near to my sister. So I accepted his suggestion willingly and gave all our belongings to him, he said he would take the child with him I agreed and said yes. I decided I’ll give everything, I don’t need anything, I’ll be sitting in the library (attending religious discourses) and get out of this life, this was what I thought. We sold our house and khashaa (fenced compound) at Yarmag all of them, that money meant nothing for me because it was the fruit of venom of my devilish mind, my health was ruined, economically I was bankrupt, thus I was really numbered? (яс номерлодог юм билээ?-meaning of this sentence is not clear). So I lost everything the other man (my husband) had suffered loss of his health. Then I thought how did I manage to survive in health, (and came to the conclusion) that I have been worshiping Buddhist religion for 7 years, I have not become a good devotee yet but I was happy that I proved on my own experience what is the truth of life. And I further reflected how could I have been able to keep my body physically sound and found out that it was because I was a forgiving person. A single good quality of a person can carry on further one’s livelihood. So I said to myself it is the truth, the theory of Buddhism is the ultimate truth and I was happy for that feeling. So I understood that I should forgive him even if he drinks, I could have forgiven that poor person before, could have been more compassionate to him, could have not fought him (0-19-48), I could not drove him out, why did I do that. I have committed a bad deed. This way I have been treating myself (mentally). At that time, for three years my life was in standstill, I was at the mark of zero, economically and in health, every aspect of my life hit the mark 00. So to overcome it I had to work for 3 years, then my husband separated from me and had left. Since the time I was sewing leather goods I liked to make savings, apparently I loved money and was greedy so my savings by that time had reached 1.000 000 (one million). By that one million tugrugs I bought a 2 room apartment in Baganuur, apartments over there were cheap, I decided to send him (my husband) to his sister (so that she could take care of him). So after buying that 2 room apartment, I gave all our furniture to my child, I did not want to be separated from my child at all but thought that after studying the books (after attending religious courses) by all means I’ll take back my child. So according to his wish I gave, I sent my child with him. That man‘s character has been changing since then…of course it is not very nice to speak about someone badly when I myself had been unable change that person at that time. Now, he is now getting much better, I was a person who lacked understanding of various things, lacked compassion and benevolence. I remain until now such a person but when I change myself it is obvious and clearly seen that how the other person is changing along with me. Well, that man at that time went away taking with him my child. So I remained behind alone with the sewing machine of mine to continue sewing no matter what leather jackets. We had a small ger on the side of an ail (household) that ger was given to me with its furniture because I had no cover over my head, so I thought since I can sew leather goods, I could manage to subsist and settled in an empty ger with my sewing machine. The ger was in the khashaa (fenced compound) of one of my younger siblings, so I sew leather goods and I finished all that I had to finish. I sold our old fences (0-21-38) the money from the sale meant nothing to me so I bought a kiosk (in Baganuur) bought some goods for sale and gave it (to my husband) with the words pay from the money you make the fees for your apartment, make your living and stand firm on your feet and enjoy the life with your child. So I went on attending lessons on Buddhist teachings, I did not sew leather goods for 3 months… for 3 months I attended lessons on Buddhist teachings. It was a time when Buddhist religion was enjoying a new revival and spread, many highly learned gevsh teachers and Rinbouchis visited (our country) so I attended discourses (sermons) of 35 teachers, so now I have almost 35 teachers. When I was attending the sermons of those 35 teachers. I wore shoes with worn out heels and had no money for bus ticket. I had no notebook nor pencil, I listened to their discourses and firmly believed that it was completely right and it was the exact exit (solution) and I must follow that path to get out of the present situation so I followed that path. When I was attending the sermons for full 3 months, it was the time when my health was in very grave condition, I had splitting head ache. Energy of anger accumulated for 10 years was splitting my head and caused terrible head ache. It proved without any doubt that the root causes of illness are that very anger and greed. So I had awful head ache and dizziness as well as my whole body ached but I continued to attend the sermons paying no attention to my dizziness, from 9 in morning till 9 in the evening without any food for a month. But I did not die (laughed), did not or fall down (on the ground), I did not use any medication nor undergo treatment, so I went and in the evening I would come to my mother who was living in this which of what …the Khoroolol (Apartment District). My mother would be alone in her apartment, when I came mother used to say oh my daughter you have dizziness and look terrible, what shall we do now and offered me tea. So I took some tea in the evening and for whole month from the morning until the evening attended the sermons. So I found out a lot of awfully true things and I made my own conclusions I should do exactly this way, it was completely wrong or that was right and continued to attend the discourses. So in this manner I spend a full 6 months, my husband had divorced and left.(0-23-28). Even if I wanted to bring them back, I felt a bit ashamed, but I felt pity (sorry) for my child. By then I had already discarded from my mind that feeling of hatred and forgave everything, by forgiving I decided to purify my mind and my mind became very pure. Then 6 months passed and they (my husband and child) themselves on their own requested to come back to me saying that it was difficult to live over there, we would like to come to you. So I gladly accepted their suggestion and said yes, yes come. The reason I agreed was the following. It was the gevsh teacher who taught me lessons who did that I said to him “I would, after all, like to divorce this man”. In the beginning I did not quite comprehend the teachings and said may be it is better that I divorce this man, it is very difficult shall I divorce him. The my teacher said that you must not divorce him you should carry the burden of your actions yourself, you should perfect (improve) your frame of mind and by doing so you can improve the man, there is nothing that you can not accomplish. So I instantly followed my teacher’s words, it is true I thought and with firm belief in my teacher’s words obeyed him. Then one evening they themselves came to me, when they arrived I welcomed them in terrible happiness. Those previous quarrels and fights were all completely forgotten, so we made a new beginning in our life, so everything has become very stable and nice. However, we were economically still falling down, we had no food, thus almost with no food, we somehow managed by various means to pass a year over there. So when I was attending the sermons I was taught that if you don’t have food this means that you lack the merits of almsgiving, you should give much more alms to needy persons and should treat them well, you should open all the good qualities of your mind so I decided that I should do that and for three full years I gave alms. Then only after three years my life has become economically sound and stable. So I continued and continued attending lessons on teachings, however, the other person, in other words my husband would say “Otgoo you are a real fool. Only the fools will be going to these lessons on Buddhist teachings”. No, it is not, there is the solution, it is true I would retort. (0-25-13) So being called a fool for 3 years I attended the lessons, I did not mind being called a fool after all there would come the fruition, there would be the result, and I was terribly firm in my belief that this was the right path to follow. So for full 3 years we lived at Yarmag in a fence of a family since we have already sold our own old fence and everything else, then we bought a two room apartment, then sold that 2 room apartment in Baganuur and got back the money that was how I bought a khashaa (fenced compound) near the TV station. It was both close to Gandan and convenient for me to attend the lessons and for the child to go to school, it was really a great luck that we could find that khashaa. When you always think of good things you get closer to that good things and they eventually come by themselves. But things did not change very quickly it turns gradually to the right direction. There is no such thing as a rapid turn so one should wait untiringly and with a lot of patience. So I have bought a fence near the TV station, my child was enrolled in the first grade, so after giving the child in the first grade I again started to sew leather goods, asked my husband to sell them, he would sell the goods but continued to drink. So in this manner things went on but I stopped hating his drinking, I accepted it and said if you want to drink, drink it but drink at home, if you drink in the streets it is very harmful to your health, you will get illness you should not do that. So I left behind the hatred which I harboured in my mind, did everything to prevent quarrels and waited for the fruition of all the good qualities. So for full 3 years I went from TV station to the Denjiin 1000 (name of a place Hillock of 1000 households), it takes 301 minutes including the one hour walk back, what I did, I carried food for dogs an awfully lot of it, it was the time alms giving, understandably I had no economic resources but still I fed dogs, in hot days I carried 40, 50 kg foods, my sweet was pouring down, but carried it with firm belief and on my way I usually came across plenty of hungry and thirsty female dogs which were running after me, I had the firm belief that I should give alms, the power of will was so great and wonderful. To feed hungry dogs was my ardent desire by giving food to them, I would also have my food, it is the truth and I went on feeding, hungry dogs were coming by themselves so I gave them food by bags, one bag weights about 5 kg(0-27-23), that means when you threw 10 bags it was 50 kg (not 5 as in the text). So after throwing food bags one by one I would come back home, then I gave food to a female dog of our neighbour and to our dog. So I prepared food and fed dogs for full 3 years, I prayed for 3 years and for full 3 years recited Dari (Goddess Tara) ekh and carried out meticulously all the rituals. At the beginning I had a terrible head ache, when I attended the Buddhist teachings and recited the Dari ekh I had sharp head ache as if it would split, so since it did not stop I even thought to quit, but after attending the teachings for 7 years and reflecting I only now understand that the venom of mind in your body causes terrible pain when it leaves your body. Though I did not learn the teachings very well I can firmly state or write without any doubt using my own name in any newspaper or press and media that theories and views of Buddhist religion have completely changed my life. (I know it) because it is the life, I myself, has gone through. Now my husband did not drink that much, he stopped going out and drink, I did not have him medically treated, I did not prohibit him drinking, I only said you are free to drink, I don’t mind if you can and want to drink, decide yourself whether it is harmful or good to your health, decide yourself I give the freedom, I want myself the freedom of mind. Then gradually that man stopped drinking, stopped drifting outside in the street and he now spends his time at home, at present he is on medical leave. So the venom of mind of the past led him to the stroke, he is suffering for it but now he can keep himself in a stable condition. The child is attending the school, so everything is going on its way, I am still continuing to attend lessons on Buddhist religion.

Byambajav -

Until which year did you stay near the TV station? (0-28-59)

Otgoo -

A our family moved near the TV station exactly in, well when did our child entered the school mmmm…. Well, the child was born in 92 and reached 8 so it was exactly 2000, yes it is right in the year of 2000.

Byambajav -

This building was constructed in 2000, wasn’t it?

Otgoo -

The centre was not built yet in 2000. So I continued to attend lessons on Buddhist teachings. I thought then that my profession related to construction was useless after all and almost regretted that I became a construction specialist and went on attending teachings and did meritorious deeds. Then I started to pay more attention to the spiritual side, came to understand and appreciate highly the importance of compassion and benevolence for other persons and myself that I should be always forgiving and respect others so I have become a firm believer of that. Well, believers of Buddhism think that way. I became extremely fond of speaking about Buddhist religion because it has accomplished a complete change in my life, there was no other option than to believe ardently. Well, people used to say it is probably not true, Buddhist religion is totally false. When I first started attending the teachings members of my family said to me: “Oogii you have nothing worthwhile to wear, you have no child, your husband has left, how can you live like this, what shall we do”. I said you may just leave me, see me after 5 years, I’ll be a free person. Then, we will forsake you they said and I replied you can leave me alone, it does not matter, see how my life will change after 5 years, the path I have embraced is guaranteed and the right one. So members of my family said that they were forsaking me. I have 5 elder sisters, one elder brother and two younger siblings so they said that they were forsaking me. I told them you can forsake me and was forsaken right way. So they did not bother to take care me at all. So I went on, our child attended 1 and 2 grade (of the school), I was continuing my attendance of the teachings at Gandan the sermons of my teacher then in 2003…. In March of 2003, no it was in winter, in winter of 2003 I was told that the teacher was summoning me. Then I was terribly afraid of that lama-the teacher, no he would not scold us but we were all afraid of him. So I was terrified and started pondering what I did, did I do this or that did I speak gossip (0-31-05). I thought and thought and wondered why he was summoning (not “zodokh” or beat as in the text) when I have not committed anything wrong. Even so I was terribly afraid and made 3 round of circumambulation of Lamrin monastery reciting the Darhi and came to the teacher. Then my teacher said to me I was told that by profession you are a construction specialist please find out and tell me which are the companies that would construct a house. I was awfully happy, and thought that teacher trusts me that is why he is saying this wonderful thing to me, I’ll find it (the company) by all means. So after receiving that task I ran around and studied construction companies and gave a list of several companies these companies constructed such and such buildings. Since then the teacher was keeping silence, while there were no words from the teacher I continued to sew leather goods, in meanwhile there was no improvement nor downfall in my economic situation, I was earning enough to buy food and still hoped for the better. Then happened this, my teacher said I would like to help you once, why don’t you receive an assistance of few tugrug and do something, you can take 150,000 tugrug and buy a carry on telephone set or do something else. Well, I could take that money as a greedy person but thought I should be able to do something with that money but since I can’t carry that telephone and make money I declined the offer of that 150,000 tugrug. I said there is no need, I can’t do that, I’ll carry on with what I do. So I was doing what I am used to do, then the important thing is that there is the blessings of good of our teachers. They think of us, his disciples… So that time I visited my teacher, when we visit our teacher we usually ask him out of reverence to do something for us such as singing hymns or reciting books, but this time I told him now my life is so and so I am in such position economically etc. Then my teacher said this, I knew, you should have come to me a year ago, why are you coming after one year. Hearing this I was delighted and it gave me a lot energy… for whole year when I was doing nothing my teacher was looking at me and I got very exited and happy, how nice it was. It is how the teacher sees and knows (0-32-53) I was overjoyed but I did not take any assistance from the teacher. So it was the blessing of my teacher that he bestowed on me I went on sewing leather then in 2003 I may have confused the year and date on 3 March, 2003 he told me that our Buddhist religious centre called “Asralt touv” will be built and since you are an construction specialist why don’t you come there to supervise(construction work). So he told me to oversee the construction work, when he asked me to supervise the construction I was not confident in me, what will happen if I could not do the job and spoil that nice building so I did not give my reply at that time and went home. But when I was back home I really wanted to be there and got awfully exited, I tried to contain my excitement but it was useless. Then I had one leather jacket, sold it quickly. And decided that I’ll prepare our monthly food and then I’ll work without any pay for a month. I thought that if I were prepare the food for a month these two will not have any problem and quickly bought meat, flour, butter and the rest and told them I would like to work there without pay it will be just for one month. When I told that my husband agreed, saying yes, yes. Then I was very glad and extremely willing to work so came back to the teacher and said if you really want me to do that I’ll work there. He said you should be paid for your work you need that for your livelihood, economically if you don’t work the rest of your family will have no food, therefore, you can’t do that. So I thought that I can’t say you exactly so much tugrug I want as a pay, I believe in Buddhist religion, I like very much the statues, my life has changed in such nice way and that for changing every one’s life in such a nice way this centre will be of extreme importance and this was the understanding that came to my mind. This thought in mind I said I can’t say anything about the money the he said you should say how much you want, because you are the one who carry the burden of livelihood of your family, you need the money for meal. I said then why don’t you give me just the money for meal, give me 50,000 tugrug for food that is enough. He agreed, oh, my poor teacher but he was asking me. I said 50000 tugrug so I am working for the pay of 50000. So the construction of our Asralt touv- Buddhist centre has started from March 2003. I started standing here from April 27, yes, I think April 27(0-34-53), I decided that I should help by all means and stood here at the construction. Because I was firm in my belief that this centre will provide the opportunity not only to the Mongolian people but also peoples all over the world to achieve prosperous and happy life. So I decided to work here no matter what even without sleep, at the outset I was overwhelmed by emotion, however, at the beginning there were many problems. At that time, I was taking vegetarian food for a year, I thought eating vegetarian food is good because I was a believer of Buddhist religion. And I became a vegetarian, but at the construction site who would be preparing for me the vegetarian food and I had to eat from the meal of building workers. So I decided to eat non-vegetarian food, because I thought that for me it was not compulsory to eat only vegetarian food if I work at the construction of the centre, since I am working for the good of people it doesn’t matter I thought. I earnestly thought so. Munguntsetseg who is the secretary of our organisation, Munguntsetseg, this teacher of tailoring Badamgerel and the teacher gevsh Yokhaanvanjil would also come and 4 of us were there. They for the earnest applied heart and mind to the job and were very active and endeavoured hard, they would frequently visit (the construction site), as for me I would stand there from 8 in the morning till 8 in the evening, I had never shirked difficulties or was discouraged, I didn’t mind the difficulties at all, hot sun or strong winds, I never experienced a feeling of suffering, but I was extremely happy and my only concern was the construction. I ate from the food for the building workers, sometimes workers would not give me any food, because they might have consumed it completely, so there were many occasions when I was left without food. In a week at least one day and sometimes 2 days in row I was without food. I never mentioned about that to my teacher. Because I was doing the job for the good of people and how could I dare to hint to my teacher that the building worker were not giving me food, I was also a timid person so never complained that I was not receiving food so at times I stood without food. So when I worked there for the duration ofl March and April, as well as May, June, July, August, September, October for 8 months there were many days without food and but full of scorching sun and strong wind, I arrived by the dawn and stayed till the dusk …but I was never discouraged or disheartened. I struggled headlong to accomplish the work, mindful that I should do it because when the centre will be commissioned, then children and youth (0-37-10) and devotees will reliably get a lot of good things from it and this thought in mind I carried out my mission at that time and now I am enjoying that feeling of happiness and truly marvellous moment of my life. When I was working there Munguu would come, Badmaa would come, the teacher would come for a whole day, when they came felt that I now have a wonderful defences…whenever the teacher arrived there were guards, it was very nice, everyone is impressed by the manner the lama behaved himself, so I always felt good an highly impressed by the eminence and commanding appearance of my teacher.

Byambajav -

What are you doing right now?

Otgoo -

Now, I am working on a project called “Assistance”(Tuslamj), working on this project is wonderful. Well, this was what happened, I had completed construction of the centre and when it was commissioned, I was told that since the building of this centre had started, three of you have been working here consistently on the construction, so you should continue your work here. A sewing shop which is useful to people was set up, a small training project on art of needle work was organised. I used to be a tailor. Since I was sewing leather goods the teacher (Багадаа ? the teacher?) said that I could work on sewing together with Badamgerel. That was a decision made out of necessity, my teacher knew what was my life like and resolved not abandon me, thinking that this woman should not be abandoned no matter what was their decision, my teachers are such a compassionate people. So compassionate they were that they let me work there almost by creating an artificial post because I don’t have that skill of embroidering and needle work. I was an ordinary tailor, a tailor who worked for market, one who became a tailor forced to make living. (0-38-39) While Badamgerel was a skilled artisan and has a profound and deep knowledge of national art. So letting me work here together with her was the kindness of my teacher who knew that for me there was no other place than this centre to earn my living. I understood his intention only after a few years. It did not come to my mind at that time. So we did a good job here, at the beginning we were trebly occupied. There were plenty of unemployed who were ordinary women just like me. They found good job here, also attended (tailoring) courses. Afterwards they used their skills acquired here and brought their produced goods to us, in this way they earned their living, we bought their food, so they understood that this (training) was a very useful thing for their livelihood. So those people were taught and after they learned, they were engaged in sewing at home at their leisure, free of supervision of anybody, what they made at home they brought to our organisation and we bought the produces. That was what they needed and it was extremely beneficial to them. Then in August Rinbouchi teacher came back, this Asral centre of Buddhist religion is a centre (39.37.-39.38) of our Rinbouchi. (39.42) He himself started learning books from the age of 3 and his teacher was a Mongol lama. He was fulfilling the recommendations of his Mongolian teacher to wok for the good of the Mongolian people, so it was the realisation of an instruction given to a small child of 5, 6 years old, it was really a visionary counsel. It also proves that the Mongols were capable and farsighted. His name was Galsan…mmm… Galsanchoidog who was a very learned and highly rtespected teacher in Mongolia. He migrated to Tibet after the victory of people’s revolution. So that migrant taught books (scriptures) to this Rinbouchi teacher (Банчийн овоо?) since he was only 3 years old and when he reached 6 or 7 he said to him that whenever an opportune time arrives you should help the Mongolian people and he was fulfilling that recommendation. So it was a coming of things accumulated for many years. This proves the notion of our Buddhist religion that there is nothing without a reason. So he fulfilled and built this nice centre as for the Gevsh-the teacher, he is a disciple of the Rimbouchi teacher, that is why the disciple of the Rinbouchi teacher came to Mongolia and continuing the activities of his teacher. Rinbouchi teacher, in general, used to visit families himself freely. He saw himself (by his own eyes) and spoke with them and decided that there is a need for him to help Mongolian people. Life of these people has deteriorated sharply in market economy, they have no jobs, have many children and have no sufficient food. These children need education. After seeing all this he as a wise man decided beside the sewing shop, to launch a project called “Warm food”, the project will embrace those children who have no food at home and are going hungry in the 9th sub-district of Bayn-gol district where the Asral centre is situated. So the children were provided with lunch everyday, and also had the opportunity to prepare for their lessons, we also looked after their hygiene and taught them lessons on morals and good behaviour so the children were tutored well and educated. Our teachers were farsighted and considered that if the children were brought up in this way they would receive appropriate education and be able to help in the livelihood of their family, assist their parents to earn their living and eventually they would become useful people for the Mongolian people. At that point in time we did not quite understood their intention and after almost 3 years in 2006 understood the meaning of the event that took place in 2003. (laughed)…a human being is such interesting thoughtless creature. That was what the teacher did. At that time, we were very busy teaching at the centre, trying to recruit people for our training and promote and explain its purpose, so we visited families from morning till night. It really did not mattered for us whether it was 11 p. m. or 1 a.m. We wanted to visit every family of the sub-district and make a survey of those poor and destitute, where they lived and who were they, what were their acute needs. We made that survey and meticulously acquainted ourselves with as many families as possible, only after that we have selected the target group. We have selected the group according to a criteria that they were poor, had little income and it was household headed by woman. So there was no such thing as preferred treatment of any one, we worked in good faith for the good of those people. When you are bent to do it there is no such a thing as pains, exhaustion or discouragement. People who are doing something good for the others are peaceful at heart and always go full of joy. That wonderful feeling gives you a lot of energy. At that time, there were times when we were confused and had no idea how proceed further. Since our teacher was a good and scholarly lama he told us that this organisation should function in such and such away, you should do this and listed the activities we should carry out. We did not understand, did not understand what he was going to implement. And when the teacher said do this we all rushed to fulfil his instructions, did that job, so we were doing only that what he instructed us to do, so we were working by the brain of the teacher, simply following his orders. Then later little by little we started to understand now we should proceed this way, we should do this job, but even now we follow in our work instructions from our teacher. Wise men in their actions look far ahead, we can not look forward that far or feel that so we were doing that what we were told to do, so we were really acting just like a robot (автомйт хүн шиг). Then we had one important and good quality, I am not speaking about myself, there were this Munguu, Badmaa, Munguntsetseg, Badamgerel and a carpenter, a young guy who later quit. Yes, that young guy was called Bilgee. What was the most important course that young man and others followed? We were sincere in our devotion to realise this wonderful project which our teachers were implementing for the Mongolian people. Though we were not professionals, we were determined and came to understand here that the most important thing is the sincere desire to accomplish something. So everyone was motivated that we should do it and that it was for the good and benefit of people, when you strive earnestly do accomplish this, money did not matter for us, reputation did not matter, we wanted to make our small contribution to the Mongolian people, we wanted so that these children get education and achieve success in your life…then over here also…I spoke it before. But after I had an accident I started talking about very frankly. Then, we here have this what… Rinbouchi teacher understood himself that teaching English to the children was important so he would bring with him English teachers, so children from the vicinity attended during the 3 months of summer that English courses where they (foreign teachers) taught. When we conduct that training the children’s knowledge (of English) improves rapidly. We also have a teacher of mathematics. That teacher gives review lessons in mathematics. And our Gevsh teachers also tutor them in skills of living. When they are taught this lesson on skills of living, they learn to be attentive and respect others, learn to love their parents, get insight into who they are (who am I) and most importantly they learn how to make true a very wise Mongolian saying: “If the master is determined, the fate follows the course”. In this sense our children get appropriate and proper education, later they’ll be able to take care of themselves, help parents in earning their livelihood and can manage their own life, there are many such good examples. So we came to understand that unshaken sincerity of mind is the meaning of one’s life. Now, we are successfully carrying out the work under the directions of our teacher, it is nice to have a very friendly collective(group). I have never experienced any psychological pressure nor was involved in any trouble, according the Buddhist doctrines there are not so many things to be concerned, it does not matter whether you have money or not. Your life gradually, little by little, changes and improves according to Buddhist teachings, when I now look back at my life before 5 years I am awfully ashamed. Oh god, probably I was crazy and what an awful things I must have been saying. Oh lama, I was the cause other’s concern. However, now I am resolved to do something, to do something for the good of them, make my humble contribution, at least I can say a few words that would please them for previously I happened to quarrel and treated them badly, it had happened. But I told to the members of my family look at me after 5 years, truly after 5 years my life has been stabilised. Now, they have recognised and most of the members of our family including their children are believers of Buddhist religion. I have never told them to worship Buddhist religion, they have found the belief from the life experience of others. They say that Oogii, you have now become extremely calm, how wonderful it is for a person to fulfil one’s desires. I tell the children of my relatives it does not matter what profession you choose, the most important thing is you must choose the profession that is of your liking, that what really attracts you, your parents should not insist that you should become a doctor as your mother or teacher. You should find the thing your desire and it will be the joy and happiness of your life. Only that choice will bring happiness to your life and that will be the good merit which you can bestow on the others. And they themselves saw this from the change in my life which I have been able accomplish in accordance with the scriptures my teachers taught me. Now, I have the opportunity to speak anywhere and with anyone freely. I was a very timid and shy person but now I have freed myself from these unnecessary characters. When others are engaged in their own business, there is nothing I should be concerned about. I don’t need to dress up nor I need ornament of gold and silver. I do understand very well that if a person can restrain one’s desires and greed only then that person will enjoy peace and tranquillity of life. So I understood firmly that doctrines of Buddhist religion shows a very good influence on men’s life, on your life on the life of other human beings while worked from 2003 to 2006 together with my teacher, together with these wonderful people and thanks to them I have learned and understood a lot. In life a person learns even from small children, when the children at the entrance of our apartment are running around you may say they are really boring but when they with face full of smile say teacher why don’t do this or that then you overjoyed and think that a human should behave just like these children. But I am an adult, a hostage of my own bad habits, it is you Otgoo who are the real bore. And I then go my way without a word thinking how kind hearted are these children. And I think why I can not behave just like them, In thinking so I myself become very happy (0-48-02) уриад? So I came forward with the most important motto of my life, if you ask what is the motto then I can say that we should leave in peace and harmony, living in peace and harmony will bring you all the good things and everything will be stable and enjoyable. And the most important thing is, after all, what the teachers taught us from the scriptures are becoming true in life and you understand the greatness of Lord Buddha and his teachings. A human being is by itself a marvellous creation, you can harm yourself, you even can take others life, but in the long run the reason why you die is you poison or harm yourself to the death, it is definite, I can say bluntly you are (the enemy of yourself). Sometimes my mother would say Otgoo, you should not worship like this. I would say to my mother that I can put right and change myself, I am the astrologist of myself. My mother say you are going too far, you speak very strange and bad things. The reason why I am saying that I am an astrologist, why I claim to be an astrologist, lies in the fact that if I can handle my affairs peacefully and treat others politely and follow the right course according to the teachings of gods, thus advance along the right path then I don’t need astrology. I learnt that if my mind had been contaminated it will bring sufferings in my life, when I clean my mind from that impurity it will bring happiness to my life. Therefore, I myself become an astrologist and I can change my life. People say that they have paid 200,000 and 300,000 tugrugs for reciting the scriptures, but this Buddhist religion did not benefit us at all. The most important thing here is that they do not understand the essence of Buddhist religion. What Buddhist religion offers is peace and tranquillity as well as happiness to a person. (тэгэхэд бид нар ингэдэг байхгүй юу за одоо намайг инглээшдээ анх номонд орж байхад багш ингэдгийн за тэгээд та тэр хаалгаар ороод ингээд ороод сайхан юманд хүрээрэй ингээд заачийш дээ та энэ хаалгаар л орно шүү худлаа байх өө гээд нөгөө хаалга руу нь гүйгээд явчихвал тэр цаад талын хаалганд яадгийн чөтөр шулам суудгын инээв тэгээд энэ талаар энд ёстой алт эрдэнэс байгаа шүү ийшээ ороорой гээл зана шд ээ тэгэнгүүд л тэрлүү нь явах гэсэнээ буруу хараад явчихаж байгаа юм чинь тэгвэл би амьдрал өөрөө харж чадахгүй яагаад вэ гэвэл би өөрөө нөгөө нэг - It is hard to understand this passage, I translated it literally) When I started attending lessons on scriptures the teacher told us well, you may enter through this door and reach the good things and talk about that door (the path to enlightenment) if you think that it is not true and run towards the other door (follow the path of sins), then behind that door demons and evil spirits reside (laughed) but there you will find gold and treasures, you may enter that door then I would turn and go away. Then I can not see my own life, because I am the very one…?? Our Buddhist religion is truly an incredible religion (according to it), a human being itself is a divine creation, human being is an energy, a human can give himself happiness, bring happiness to others, bring peace and tranquillity to himself, as for its mind, it permanently changes and evolves, whether this change will be good or bad solely depend on the human. I understood it firmly and now I like very much to speak about and explain doctrines of Buddhism to the students. We are implementing at this Asral Centre of Buddhist Religion for 2 years this project. Lessons under the title “Living skills according to Buddhist religion” are taught to students of Universities and institutes, so our centre conduct lessons on right way of life and skills of living and we pay an allowance of 15,000 tugrugs to the students. Now students of 22 universities and institutes attend this course, over 100 students of state and private Universities and institutes receive the allowances in turns. There are students who attend the course constantly and reliably, those students by attending the lessons on living skills on one hand receive allowances which is almost half of their tuition fees, on other hand they receive knowledge of living skills which is very important to them. Learning living skills means that not everyone will experience my past life, my life after marriage when I was living with my husband, quarrelling and heaping curses on each other, my life as an evil spirit, when I made myself crazy. That no one will have to go through that awful hell (was my wish). People have no experience of this sort, we understand it these poor young things have no experience and they can not find the solution, if they can find the solution it would be wonderful. The lessons of our Buddhist religion which we teach not only give children kind heart but also offers the way out of the situation I was in, when I was mad, and was behaving just a like a crazy person, if at least 1 or 2 persons may be 20 or 30 persons were able to avoid that fate isn’t it wonderful. And I love to tell to those students, well my children when you are not married yet, you should find the way to good life and then you’ll be able to proceed along the right path peacefully. Then everything will be unbound and enjoyable. So I like to explain you should proceed in such and such way. I am not very good at explaining, say, according to the theory (doctrines) of Buddhism this is so and so and, Buddha was born here etc. I can not speak about the religion on the level of theories, I just speak of my practical experience, of what I have been through, my children this is how you live and this is what happens in life and I love to tell this to the students. So I have an ardent desire to tell all these to people so that at least a person find the right path to follow. When I speak about it students receive it very nicely because I tell something that I have experienced in my life, from the bottom of my heart. That is why they accept it very nicely. They like very much to hear my stories, now the number of our students are increasing wonderfully. All these were made possible because Rinbouchi teacher with the help of well wishes found the financial resources from Ireland and gave to as many 30, 40 children (students) allowances of 150,000 tugrugs which in aggregate reaches an amount of 4, 5,6 million tugrugs. And he is in a position to provide all these. Then there is the need to supply learning materials to those children we provide luncheon, in addition to that expenses related to English teachers, their boarding and lodging would be quite a substantial sum and all these expenses are met by our Rinbouchi teacher. Kind hearted people from abroad came, gave assistance and taught in classes of Gevsh teacher and Manjiirav guai. We did our best to deliver (not хэлэхэд-as in the text) this assistance to the Mongolian people in a proper manner so that those who receive the assistance achieved guaranteed good livelihood. And we exerted every effort for this purpose, within the capacity available to us. We are determined to accomplish this task because at the long run what we are doing is for the wellbeing and happy life of the Mongolian people. I dream and wish that people embed in themselves the wisdom and kindness that I have gained, and I keep this idea always in my mind. Now 25 children receive free luncheon at our centre. They are 25 children of very poor, low income families headed (by females). In addition to it there is the kindergarten No.133. We have opened a welfare group. The group has 25 children. 10 children are attending the kindergarten of 24 hours. (kindergarten where child is taken care for the whole workdays) For the following reason we have chosen kindergarten of 24 hours, young single mothers want to work, but there is no husband, even they want to work it is difficult to find someone who will take care of the children, there is no one to look after the children, they can not leave the children, they can not work and they are stuck at home. When we send the children to kindergarten of 24 hours, pay the fees, buy clothes as well as we supply any other items that the kindergarten require from the centre. Then our centre carries out such as distribution of children’s clothes and various other activities, we buy for them warn clothing, for those who have don’t clothes give clothes, we also give firewood and coal, there are people who have very difficult life, who are out of firewood and coal during the winter. It is the reason why I am working at this assistance project. Did I mention before, what does the assistance project do, we visit all the impoverished and destitute families. Then there was a poor woman, she has two daughters, the two were her step daughters. She married a man younger man than herself. She suffered from mental depression and from time to time her illness aggravates, to live somehow she married a man who is an alcoholic and she gave to two children of that drunkard. Of the two children, one was 1 year and 2 months old, the other was a 3 months old baby. When we visited the family in the mid of cold winter. They were living in a small house made from thin wooden panels like a summer wooden cabin of 2x2 m size, the two small children were gaping (from the cold), they had no firewood nor coal. During the winter in our country temperature drops to 35 degrees below zero. In this terrible cold the roof of their cabin had gaping holes, poor thing that woman was so depressed that her mental illness recurs during spring and autumn, what will then happen, who knows, it is awful to look at them. We seek and find out such people, government also help them. We also take the addresses of such families from the Governor and social workers of the 9th district. We also receive their addresses from the household medical centres and visit these families and select the families to receive the assistance. During these visits you see such a grinding poverty and feel deep sorrow for them when you think how they will live, it really pains your heart. And from the centre we gave aid in clothes, firewood and coal. We also provide assistance in rice and flour. We give to each family one bag of flour, one bag of rice, as for the firewood and coal we give them from 10 to 20 bags, we try to give it in sufficient amount so that they at least can overcome the winter cold with this thought we go to our work. There are so many families in such a dire situation. There are poor families where the parents both drink and the children no matter how hard they try are unable make the ends meet. There was a young girl of 5th grade, her both parents are drunkards who do not work, she has 3,4 younger siblings, that girl tries terribly hard. So I was also determined to help her to put her life on its feet, helped to establish contact with our organisation and attend lessons on scriptures of Buddhist religions. She was really bent to change her life that pitiable thing, so we and the teachers all helped in every way. So we give assistance to this sort of families. If a person has a determination and struggle for life his or her life will become good. Well, that young girl finished school and entered an institute and she asked for assistance from our organisation. She wanted to continue her studies and asked for help, so we willingly agreed to assist her. But since her mother and father were both not working she had to earn living, we found out that she went to work, now she is working. She is doing her work, our centre is not a business organisation, therefore, we don’t have much financial resources, and then we don’t receive any financial assistance from domestic organisations. When thus we carry on our assistance activities, we notice that our (Mongolian) people are very polite and on the other hand they are rather mild and modest, but our dargas (superiors) are, usually, a shameless lot. And if there is a rich man then he is usually a big boss. They are doing a lot and I guess that they assist also in an appropriate way. However, our centre receive very little assistance from domestic organisations. Only the Rinbouchi teacher himself usually receive assistance from outside and other persons and with that financial resources he is determined to do something beneficial for the good of the Mongolian people, though he himself live far a away. Our people should know that no matter how small it may be assistance is never too little to the person receiving it. Recently I met several youth from Zorig Foundation who came to work here at our centre. They visited the needy families and found those patients in need of treatment, the students were from the Medical University, they studied themselves and gave a grant aid of 170,000 tugrugs for those who were unable to buy drugs and injections, there are many such persons. What they did is quite enough. They found the exact solution and the right persons. Those students were truly sweet, as I said no assistance is insignificant, so those students for 1, 2 months helped our 25 children in preparing for their lessons, for full 2 months they gave them review lessons. They have divided the children into groups and took the responsibility according their own abilities. Now our children do like their lessons. They come to the centre and say according to the schedule today we have a review lesson. Since it has become an established practice they have considerably improved their evaluation marks. No assistance is too small. Students come and help (teach) the children, it is fine. Little, little by little after all a human is small, then if there is kindness of soul, no assistance is too little. To show this clearly and prove this nicely, learn Buddhist scriptures thus you will accumulate a lot of merit. I forgot to tell you about training we carry out at 10 year schools. The subject is called “Taking Interest in parents’ jobs”, 200 children from the sub-districts of our district, I think we have 6 sub-districts (Probably not Duureg but Khoroolol or sub-district) are attending the training. The children attend these lessons extremely well and they improve very quickly. Children harbour no evil intentions and they receive everything told as the truth and constantly improve themselves. When improvement starts from the child, that child will have high intellectual potential, good moral, receive scientific education thus he grows as a harmoniously brought up person. Since the child’s upbringing was harmonious, the child in future will be able to take the right path and will live happily. For this very reason our Asral centre of Buddhist religion has great significance. This is not a word of praise, I did not want to praise in empty words, I am just telling you the process of our activities. So, after all, when our people do something, they should strive to implement Buddhist teachings in life, if that can be blended with one’s scientific knowledge, the job they are engaged in then it will be wonderful and a lot of good things could be done for the good of our people, there is this possibility. This I can tell in front of many people, at any place without shame or timidity, I can tell it on TV screens without fear. Because this was my life, I was through it, I experienced it. I am not praising but it is the merit of my teachers, merit of the Buddhist religion and it proves the truth of doctrines (theories) and views of Buddhist religion and I am telling that truth in my words. Well, that is it. You did not put me interesting (provocative) questions so I spoke and spoke in a very general terms.

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Interviews, transcriptions and translations provided by The Oral History of Twentieth Century Mongolia, University of Cambridge. Please acknowledge the source of materials in any publications or presentations that use them.

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